Kevin Maguire's round-up of events in and around the Westminster village

To the inaugural Labour hustings in Warwick University's arts complex, where it was so dark in the gallery that hacks were handed little usherette torches to write. Your correspondent counted pictures of wannabe wearers of the deputy's tiara in their leaflets. Modest Hilary Benn published a restrained three of himself, Harriet Harman five, Peter Hain six, Alan Johnson nine, Jon Cruddas 13, but the clear winner was Hazel Blears (below) who went nuts with 22. Come on, Mrs Pepperpot. You can do better. You must've been snapped somewhere, sometime with someone you overlooked.

Snapper Tom Stoddart is to click Big Gordie into Downing Street, recreating his shots of a decade ago when he enjoyed special access behind the scenes to capture Tony Blair's supposed private moments on the road to No 10. An envious rival with a camera predicted Stoddart won't need to press Big Gordie to adopt a moody pose while preparing for the Premiership. Those smiles, I'm assured, are for public consumption only.

Druggie Dave whinged to the rozzers that all the hug-a-hoodie business was a big mistake, the most outrageous misrepresentation since cops last beat a false confession out of a suspect. My man with the handcuffs reported Cameron went down well at the annual moan-fest of the boys and girls in blue. While Blair racks up air miles saying goodbye to the world, Cameron's collecting votes and stuck to the traditional Tory law-and-order line.

Soon to depart, No 10 spinner Tom "Gizza Job" Kelly no longer conceals his contempt for Big Gordie. Asked on Blair's America jamboree for reaction to Brown becoming Premier Designate, he dismissed it as "processology". Asked by a scribbler if he thought the imminent arrival of a new PM was "press prattle", the outgoing premier's official mouthpiece huffily didn't disagree. The mood is said to be poisonous in the Blairite bunker as Brownite hordes hammer on the door.

Shadow squaddie Gerald Howarth is behaving even more oddly than usual, heckling a hapless hack at a Commons luncheon who dared ask soldier boy Des Browne about intelligence used to extend the nightclubbing career of Lt Harry Wales. "You're not entitled to know that," snapped Pte Howarth before Cpl Browne could get the words out of his own mouth. A Tory colleague whispered Pte Howarth already thinks he's defence secretary, believing the general election is all but won. We'll see.

Brrng, Brrng. Sun King Rupert Murdoch's enforcer in London would, I'm told, like to be "Sir" Les Hinton when Blair's lavender list is published. Ditto schmoozer Matthew Freud, sucking up to telly peer Waheed Alli in the mistaken belief he has some influence over such delicate matters. After the cash-for-coronets hullabaloo, anyone who is placed on Blair's resignation honours list should sue for defamation.

Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror

Post your comment

Please note: you will need to login or register before you can comment on the website