A wry look at life in Westminster

The name of Sir Rocco Forte can be added to the list of Tory grandees cooling on Slick Dave. A player in the Thatcher and Major eras, the hotelier was overheard disparaging Cameron in a fancy London restaurant. "He's just a PR man," sneered Sir Rocco. Does anyone know anybody outside Notting Hell or the Grauniad with a good word for the posh boy? A grateful Nigel Farage was mischievously suggested by a troublesome right-wing MP on the grounds Cameron is proving an able recruiting sergeant for Ukip.

An invitation unexpectedly arrived to part with £100 to boost the coffers of local Labour parties in rock solid Rhondda and flaky Dorset South. Putsch leader Chris Bryant and counter-coup organiser Jim Knight, for it is from them, have buried the hatchet over whether the PM should go or stay to fundraise in the sooooo Blairite setting of Mayfair's Arts Club. Champagne and dinner will be followed by indigestion unless David "Brains" Miliband keeps his billed speech very brief. Bryant's last double-header, with thrusting James Purnell, ended with apologies all round after a copy of the Hutton report into David Kelly's suicide, signed by Cherie Blair, was auctioned for £400. Perhaps in March Bryant should invite bids for the September letter demanding Tony B name the day.

To lunch in Storey's Gate, a corner of Britain that is forever Brussels. I couldn't help noticing Europe's Mr Green, Stavros Dimas, pouring his water from a plastic rather than recyclable glass bottle. The environment commissioner revealed Cameron recently paid him a visit before wistfully admitting he'd never met Big Gordie, fanning doubts over the premier-in-waiting-for-a-few-more-month's green credentials. The Greek politico, spookily a tanned dead ringer for Robominister John Reid, said the closest he'd got to Brown was reading his speeches. We reassured him that some of Big Gordie's parliamentary colleagues are in the same boat.

Mogadon Ming is to visit the Manchester set of Coronation Street, the only TV serial near his own age. Mogadon, you may recall, found himself ridiculed by claiming to be a fan then, asked to name his favourite character, mumbling barmaid Bet Lynch, who last pulled pints in the Rover's Return when Ming was still in short trousers.

Trouble at t'mill and mutterings in Strangers' that the long arm of Downing Street helped engineer the defeat of brusque Ian Stewart in the battle with loyal Barbara "Who?" Keeley for the new Labour bastion of Worsley and Eccles South. Stewart has lodged a complaint after one party official confessed he'd been told the MP was orf to the Lords so there was no point voting for him. Any dirty tricks, however, are unlikely to top selection shenanigans in Rochdale. Police are investigating after wannabe Labour MP, Simon Danczuk, who does have friends in Downing Street, received a death threat and two funeral wreaths were sent to his office.

To the Fabian love-in with Big Gordie where culture vulture Tessa Jowell revealed her nickname for eager Sky News: "Never wrong for long". Has she only just heard?

Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror

Post your comment

Please note: you will need to login or register before you can comment on the website