Regrettably, Labour does not have a new leader in time for this year's party conference. So, regrettably, we won't be hearing the following speech:
Today was another hectic day at conference. Aren’t they all?
I’ve left Chelsea tractor country this week for Hove and the Green Party’s autumn conference.
To the seaside and the first UK leg of Tony B the fading crooner's farewell global tour. At a truculent TUC in Brighton, the distressed No 10 roadie Nyta Clarke was overheard whispering, "It's all over, it's over" to a handful of tearful Blairite groupies.
A rat - indeed, Roland Rat - is to swim back to the sinking ship once the captain is replaced on the bridge by the first mate.
New Labour has, for all the hubris, rarely been comfortable with power. Shortly after Tony Blair's landslide victory in 1997, senior aides were warning of the threat posed by William Hague.
The 'Ull One, John Prescott, is digging another escape tunnel after Robominister John Reid placed him under house arrest during the airport terror show.