Sex doesn’t take up that much time, unlike football: you get 90 minutes, a chance to change ends, extra time and then often a penalty shoot-out. Football, it does put in your day.
Replace the word "yid" with any other racist hate term, and you'll see why the argument for keeping Spurs' "yid army" chant doesn't work.
It costs £400 plus VAT, but you do get your name in the programme and on the big screen.
It will take more than one weekend of footballers wearing rainbow laces to really tackle the problem.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote once: ‘There is nothing I hate more than a masculine man.’
Modest, confident and at ease with themselves - the deaths of Welsh rugby icon Cliff Morgan and the Irish poet Seamus Heaney have been a double blow, writes Jonathan Smith.
Hunter Davies' "The Fan" column
The footballer's triumph shows things are different for his generation.
Where once to be called talented or a "natural" was the highest praise, today sportsmen have to pretend success has nothing to do with innate ability - is it time to think again?
The boy from the ghetto has not merely become a great footballer - he has become a modern European fairytale.
It is obscene and absurd — but Martin Cloake can't stop watching.
Maybe fans should be standing <em>for</em> future football. Mobilising for something is more productive, if more difficult, than simply opposing.
Margaret Thatcher hated football - and sport in general - but her legacy to the game was to turn a generation of sports writers, who had previously dodged any analysis of their sports' significance, onto politics.
While we talk of "legacy", it’s starting to feel like what happened exactly a year ago this month not only hasn’t elevated disabled people, but is being used to trap.
From the archive: Football legend Danny Blanchflower on the 1963 Brazilian team after their appearance at Wembley, "prince and heirs" to the crown of world football.
Bill Shankly transformed Liverpool football club from second-flight also rans into giants. His resignation, after 15 years in charge, remains a riddle.
Ed Smith's "Left Field" column.
The prime minister responds to the suggestion that Russia's anti-gay laws mean Britain should refuse to take part in the Winter Olympics.
Forget mysterious dark matter and the inexplicable accelerating expansion of the universe; the bicycle represents a far more embarrassing hole in the accomplishments of physics.
By now his credit is all used up.
Time away from home, the pressures of top-level sport, and even the game itself play a part. Antoinette Muller speaks to some of the players about why mental health problems are still a taboo subject in professional cricket.
The Highland games on a remote Scottish peninsula unite young and old.
As the Football Legue celebrates its 125th anniversary this weekend the game must look to both embrace, and simultaniously reject modernity.
Ask not what the business of sport does to us, but what it can do for us.
Jason Cowley reviews the current line up on the Test Match Special, remembers a discussion on the greatest essayists with George Plimpton, and speaks at the famously right-wing Peterhouse College in Cambridge.
Will Self's "Madness of Crowds" column.
Peter Wilby's "First Thoughts" column.
When he retired from cricket, Ed Smith sought some distance from sport and in particular from cricket. But the first Ashes test of 2013 at Trent Bridge has brought him back to his first love - cricket.
Ed Smith's "Left Field" column.
Imran Khan's diary.