The legend of Law’s leg ends
By Hunter Davies - 08 March 9:28

There's this old joke, credited to some old literary gent; forgotten who first supposedly said it. Each morning on waking up, he opens the newspaper and turns to the obituary pages.

Give the old fella a good shake
By Hunter Davies - 01 March 7:58

I was in the lavatory at Arsenal, trying to have a pee. At this time of the year, I take my flask of coffee. At half-time, at Arsenal or Spurs, I drink two cups.

Make a stand -- empty the stands!
By Hunter Davies - 22 February 8:19

What can poor fans do? I mean poor in the sense of sad, pathetic, useless, hopeless, not poor in the sense of having no money.

Warm glow of the footballer’s botty
By Hunter Davies - 15 February 8:23

Wouldn't you like to be a footballer today? It's not just the obvious stuff - all the money and girls you can eat, all the Ferraris and Bentleys you can crash - but the fact that life, generally, is so comfy, nay luxurious.

From a sunny outpost of the Roman empire
By Hunter Davies - 05 February 9:06

While in St Barts, on my hols - yes thanks, had a lovely time - I was returning one day to my hotel, Eden Rock, when I noticed this rather nice little football stadium, with a decent-looking stand, handsome entrance.

Fellatio, the Fifties and unfit footballers
By Hunter Davies - 14 January 6:27

I enjoyed Nowhere Boy, the film about the early life of John Lennon, but came away pretty worried. As if I haven't got enough to worry about.

Folly of footballers, with knobs on
By Hunter Davies - 07 January 6:30

Are footballers knobs? That's what the distinguished football philosopher Joey Barton suggested on the Today programme. First, we have to define a knob. Is it the same as a dickhead, twat, wanker or arse?

This year’s hearth-time report
By Hunter Davies - 30 December 6:16

Every New Year's Eve since we moved into this house in 1965, we have sat down by the log fire and made our predictions for the year ahead.

Weirdest, fattest, rudest awards of the year (so far)
By Hunter Davies - 17 December 7:06

Half a season, half a season onward, into the valley of the World Cup come the round-up and awards and the story so far.

The rugger buggers
By Michael Hodges - 10 December 5:47

We're way out west on the affluent edge of London and things are hotting up. On the lounge bar screen, men with thick necks slam into each other.

England, best football nation? You’re having a laff
By Hunter Davies - 10 December 5:47

I'll always remember where I was when I heard that England had been seeded for the World Cup. There was dancing in the street, bonfires on the Heath.

All footie administrators are farties
By Hunter Davies - 03 December 9:08

In July this year, Everton opened a new club shop in Liverpool city centre. They already had one at the ground, so they called that Everton One, and the one in the middle of town, Everton Two.

Placenta of the magic circle
By Hunter Davies - 26 November 9:41

My son was born in 1966 and I ate his placenta. It's been so useful, that being his year of birth, because it was World Cup year, so I can always remember it.

Load of old balls? No, football's crown jewels
By Hunter Davies - 19 November 11:24

I try to visit the National Football Museum in Preston most years, as it's so amazing, wonderful, marvellous and also depressing, because I think why do I bother, they have all the best stuff, how can I ever compete?

Lose your rage and lose the game
By Hunter Davies - 12 November 5:43

I used to get terrible jaw ache. I tried everything: a plate in my mouth, endless X-rays to see if the bones were dodgy - I was visiting top dentists for years.

Footballers, let’s keep it friendly
By Hunter Davies - 05 November 5:55

There was a period in football that I have never understood. From 1863, when football as we know it was invented, till 1888, when the Football League was formed, there were no leagues.

What if... England had qualified in '74
By Dominic Sandbrook - 05 November 5:55

It is October 1973, and England are playing Poland at Wembley in a crucial World Cup qualifier. The score is 1-1, and Sir Alf Ramsey's team, once emblematic of the Swinging Sixties, are crashing out of the competition.

Andrei’s cultured foot, and other fairy tales
By Hunter Davies - 29 October 7:51

Gather round, children, and I will tell you some Just So Stories for these confusing times.

Kiss and tell on the Algarve
By Hunter Davies - 22 October 8:48

Horror, shock, Cristiano Ronaldo in porno video scandal. Must be true, as there it was on the front page of my newspaper.

Mugging up for Mastermind
By Mark Watson - 22 October 8:48

I'm a celebrity. You might not realise it yet. You might have me down more as a funnyman of moderate repute.

Steady on, Smoothy Sven
By Hunter Davies - 15 October 8:38

I have seen the future - and it will involve moving a lot of furniture. On 10 October, I watched two live games on the net - England under-21, then England-Ukraine.

Enough to make true Geordies cry
By Hunter Davies - 08 October 6:46

I have made a bid for Newcastle United.

That's the name of the game
By Hunter Davies - 24 September 6:50

I am so pleased by the shape and sound of this season so far. At long last we have three Jacks coming through, establishing themselves in Premiership first teams.

Girls on top
By Hunter Davies - 17 September 6:48

Women are looking good on the pitch.

New season kit
By Hunter Davies - 10 September 8:56

Why I rarely wear a suit

Season’s greetings
By Hunter Davies - 03 September 8:19

And I’d hoped Ray Stubbs had gone back to teaching geography . . .

Green revolution
By Nick Greenslade - 27 August 8:07

First it was neoliberals at home and in America. Then it was their supporters in the media. Now Venezuela's Hugo Chávez has his sights fixed on the real threat to his "Bolivarian Revolution" - golf.

On being a good sport
By Dan Hancox - 06 August 9:11

"Aaaaare you Braintree in disguise?!

England's dream team
By James Cave - 23 July 13:00

Cricket fans rejoice: England are the best team in the world.

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