The end of the nasty party
By Nicholas Lezard - 17 May 9:40

The Woman I Love decides we should hold a joint party. It has been some time since I have done this; I think I have to go back pre-children, which means 1995 or so.

How to keep calm and carry on
By Mark Watson - 16 May 18:27

I'm writing this as the last election results come in, but it will be published in the aftermath of those results, so I'm in the perplexing position of not being able to talk about the outcome of the election, even though it i

Happy birthday (war is over)
By Nicholas Lezard - 07 May 20:02

It's that time of year when all sorts of significant birthdays gang up together: my mother's, my sons', the Woman I Love's, and, indeed, mine (all cards and cheques can be sent to me c/o The Guvnor, The Duke of Wellington, 94a

Once more unto the breeches
By Will Self - 06 May 12:44

The other day I was walking with a brace of my children up the steep road that approaches Brighton Station from North Laine when I observed a long, dark, liquid rivulet flowing down the pavement, and then a young man, blind dr

Driven mad by the small print
By Alice Miles - 05 May 9:11

I have a good friend who is the chairman of West Sussex County Council.

Two old women
By Michael Hodges - 04 May 7:37

I see only one old woman on the Tuesday morning walk, the one that drives a mobility scooter. As my dog lets loose on the last of the daffodils,

Keep mum – she’s not so dumb
By Nicholas Lezard - 02 May 11:11

My mother's birthday. We have lunch upstairs at the Duke; very nice.

Nosy parkers and home-made jams
By Alice Miles - 01 May 11:41

An election might be taking place elsewhere in the country, but down here the big news is traffic wardens.

I’ve got a soft spot for MPs
By Mark Watson - 30 April 10:55

With this election being forced down our throats in an unprecedented number of ways - TV, Twitter, unusually open newspaper bias - we're finally seeing the truth about politicians.

Don’t kid yourself about Mumsnet
By Alice Miles - 25 April 11:01

It is always wise to approach with caution the subject of Mumsnet.

Lights out for the territory
By Nicholas Lezard - 19 April 9:31

A message from Razors. "Don't bother coming back tonight," he writes. "The lights have gone out." But I have to go back, as I have nowhere else to go once the Duke has shut.

I’m a chicken when it comes to hens
By Alice Miles - 19 April 9:07

There is something about hen parties that repels me. I was at Girona Airport near Barcelona two weeks ago.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty
By Samira Shackle - 19 April 9:04

Worldwide, the cosmetics industry is booming. In Italy the industry is worth €9bn each year.

Invasion of the body snatchers
By Susie Orbach - 19 April 9:01

The beauty industry steals women’s self-esteem and convinces us to spend unwisely in pursuit of phys

1,001 golf holes
By Mark Watson - 17 April 16:45

Now that I'm the wrong side of 30, my thoughts naturally turn to death on a regular basis.

The forward mulch of Labour
By Will Self - 17 April 16:39

Even people who know absolutely nothing about British politics of the past two decades still know that Peter Mandelson once mistakenly referred to mushy peas as guacamole in a Hartlepool fish-and-chip shop.

Cross-dressing, cross country
By Will Self - 08 April 13:28

The other evening I saw Eddie Izzard, the celebrated Jack-and-Jill of all theatrical trades, complete 43 nearly consecutive marathon runs.

The belly of the beast
By Nicholas Lezard - 06 April 18:59

It has come to this: buying a copy of Men's Health magazine in order to do something about my belly. It really is getting horrible; when I saw it in
profile in the mirror, I actually screamed.

I can’t get religious about the Book
By Alice Miles - 06 April 18:58

The younger students are much more hi-tech than we older ones. They move easily around PowerPoint and multicoloured computer presentations, and sit in lectures fiddling with their BlackBerries.

Class Monitor: the cleaners
By Michael Hodges - 05 April 10:22

We're with the cleaners on the 5am shift, finishing up the first cup of tea of the day in the half-light of the large Victorian pub. "Better start, then," declares Maureen, unofficial leader of the three-woman team.

Of men and monsters
By Terry Eagleton - 01 April 8:11

Acknowledging that wickedness exists doesn’t mean you have to believe in the existence of Satan. And

New Statesman
The Pope, the people and the paedophiles
By John Cornwell - 01 April 8:11

The worldwide scandal of Catholic paedophile priests threatens to become the gravest crisis in the modern history of the Church. As Pope Benedict XVI prepares to visit Britain to beatify Cardinal Newman, we look at the life of this humane Catholic convert

I’m a receipt offender
By Nicholas Lezard - 29 March 8:14

At King's Cross, starving and honour-bound never to buy anything from Burger King ever again (see my column from a few weeks ago), I go to the West Country Pasty Company stall and buy a sausage roll.

The landline that time forgot
By Mark Watson - 27 March 10:43

The spate of recent news stories about the dangers of social networking has only served to remind me how dizzyingly quickly communications have moved on since I was young - a chilling four-word phrase which, having turned 30,

Sam gets ready to stand by her pram
By Sophie Elmhirst - 26 March 8:06

There's no escape from media obsession for modern political wives. But it seems they're only too wil

The Post Office Tower is talking to me
By Nicholas Lezard - 22 March 8:11

I ask Razors if he still calls it the Post Office Tower. He looks almost hurt. "Of course I do."

It’s life, gym, but not as we know it
By Alice Miles - 21 March 9:18

I have always considered health clubs with deep suspicion. It comes, I think, from living in London for most of my life.

Class Monitor: Young Offenders
By Michael Hodges - 19 March 8:32

The wind whips at the figures on the hillside. The young offenders have screwed-up faces and shaved heads. One or two appear angry, but most are merely cold and probably not very bright.

Good idea: Pregnant pause
By Alyssa McDonald - 19 March 8:30

Here's a statement you don't often come across when British teenage pregnancies are the subject of conversation: "Numbers of teenage mothers are relatively small." Tabloid horror headlines might suggest otherwise, but as Jane

Bruni’s cyber bra brouhaha
By Sophie Elmhirst - 19 March 8:02

First Carla Bruni’s nipples sent the British press into a frenzy. Then a flurry of tweets had the Fr