Why caterers are in the black
By Will Self - 31 March 15:30

Only one kind of meal comes with an erratum slip: the catered formal dinner.

Taking on Pig Business
By Helen Lewis - 09 February 13:30

Tracy Worcester's fight against the excesses of industrial pig farming reaches Brussels.

The Philosophy of Wine: a Case of Truth, Beauty and Intoxication
By Barry Smith - 15 December 9:49

Drinking good wine provides an occasion for pleasure, but it also provides an opportunity for thought.

Fresh baking and the flour of our youth
By Will Self - 15 December 9:41

Within a Budding Grove, with its hint at the similitude of erectile clitoral tissue and burgeoning plant life, is the somewhat suggestive translation of Proust's À l'ombre des jeunes filles en fleurs given by C K Scott Moncrie

It’s all gravy down the Stockpot
By Will Self - 06 August 9:13

Will Self and Nick Lezard visit a no-nonsense Leicester Square restaurant.

Catching cod on the East Coast mainline
By Will Self - 23 July 9:16

My nephew Jack and I are heading south after an unsuccessful attempt to reach the remote Hebridean island of St Kilda. Facing the implacability of a force-nine gale, Angus the skipper demurred.

In bread with my doner
By Will Self - 12 July 8:58

I often have a kebab, though not as often as I might.

What a whopper
By Will Self - 25 June 10:35

The other afternoon I was cycling up the Mall when the Queen emerged from the gates of Buckingham Palace, so plumply erect in her customised Daimler that she resembled nothing so much as a cerise pouffe propped up in an old-fa

Inn it for the money
By Will Self - 14 June 9:02

"We're, like, regulars, aren't we?" I said to the attractively goofy young fellow who takes the role of maître d' in the new gastropub across the road from our house.

Big grumble in little China
By Will Self - 31 May 10:42

Circa 1969 the only restaurants in Britain were Chinese ones - or at least, that's the way I remember it.

Mussels from Brussels
By Will Self - 16 May 18:35

A long time ago, when I could still bear to eat in social contexts, I attended a dinner at London Zoo given by the Royal Zoological Society.

Empire of the bun
By Will Self - 01 May 11:35

If the historian Oswald Spengler were alive today, Wimpy is the kind of fast-food joint he'd be eating in.

The forward mulch of Labour
By Will Self - 17 April 16:39

Even people who know absolutely nothing about British politics of the past two decades still know that Peter Mandelson once mistakenly referred to mushy peas as guacamole in a Hartlepool fish-and-chip shop.

Away in a Manger
By Will Self - 29 March 13:31

Pret a Manger is the the mother of all pseudo-sophisticated sandwich outlets.

A peri British coop
By Will Self - 15 March 8:27

I find it absolutely mind-boggling that on our high streets there are more than 214 branches of Nando's, a restaurant chain originally started in South Africa by ethnic Portuguese refugees from Mozambique - but then I suppose

Breakfast of champignons
By Will Self - 26 February 10:45

At what mute, inglorious juncture in the history of British cuisine did the "all-day breakfast" make its appearance?

Pretty fry for a white guy
By Will Self - 15 February 8:21

One of the most realest meals there is in the so-called developed world is a hotel breakfast. I say this for a simple reason: no one - unless they are close to expiring - refuses it.

Real Meals: Mama said knock udon out
By Will Self - 29 January 10:25

Wagamama has been serving a bizarre fusion cuisine - part Japanese traditional, part English nursery slop - for nigh on 20 years now.

Who ate all the pies?
By Will Self - 14 January 6:27

To sit in Pizza Express is to partake in a mystic communion with the cosmopolitanisation of the Brit

Yule only regret it
By Will Self - 17 December 7:06

I'm not altogether sure Christmas dinner is a meal at all, let alone a real one; rather, it is the focus of all the faith, hope and joy - as well as the transgenerational neuroses and psychic dyspepsia - that we load on to tha

Just pour me bubbles, darling
By Nina Caplan - 17 December 7:06

Peace on earth and mercy mild probably aren't on most people's Christmas shopping lists this year - not if they're realistic.

Real Meals: attack of the one-foot sandwich
By Will Self - 26 November 5:41

If you're anything like me, you probably find the global dominance of the Subway sandwich chain bewildering.

Real Meals: a double-shot of sanctimony
By Will Self - 12 November 5:43

Starbucks coffee is so bad I'll happily walk several blocks just to avoid drinking the stuff

Real Meals: tikka chance on ghee
By Will Self - 29 October 7:51

I suppose I was looking for an archetype that no longer exists. A fusty realm of red flock wallpaper and piped sitar music.

Sacrificed in the name of sushi
By Mark Lynas - 29 October 7:51

If the fishing lobbies continue to hold sway then the tuna will go the way of the dodo

Real Meals: more cluck for your buck
By Will Self - 15 October 8:38

A visit to KFC: how can anything that tastes this awful be quite so popular?

Schnappy schnapps
By Sophie Elmhirst - 12 October 17:04

Forget the Nobel Prize. What about the Swedish drinking song championship?

Real Meals: I'm leavin' it
By Will Self - 01 October 8:13

Walking into the McDonald's on Oxford Street made me feel like Rip Van Winkle

Drying out the swalliers
By Alyssa McDonald - 01 October 8:13

Scotland's reputation as a nation of "bevviers and swalliers", as the justice minister, Kenny MacAskill, put it, is under attack from the SNP.

Class Monitor No.1: Wetherspoons Man
By Michael Hodges - 24 September 6:50

Outside the pub on a wet south London traffic intersection, the prevailing mood is downbeat. But inside, although it's only 11.15am on a Tuesday, the atmosphere is lively. Lively and very old.

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