What to watch over Christmas

An innocent girl, casually switching on her television this Christmas, could be forgiven for having a sudden sense of déjà vu, especially if her remote clicked first on the BBC. This year, the corporation is kindly giving us reruns of everything from Rupert Everett's 2004 turn as Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking, 29 December, 9pm, BBC2) to the Morecambe and Wise 1975 Christmas Special (Boxing Day, 9.30pm, BBC2). On Christmas Day, BBC1 will screen Blackadder Rides Again (10.30pm). But don't get too excited: this isn't new - it's a collection of "reminiscences" from the cast.

In the battle of the Christmas ratings, however, the BBC will emerge victorious nevertheless because, even allowing for all this recycling, its schedule is still as plump as a pudding. I would like to pick out for special attention Gavin and Stacey (Christmas Eve, 10pm, BBC1), in which Uncle Bryn (Rob Brydon) will marvel at the feat of chemistry that is Baileys Mint Chocolate; the sight of Rupert Penry-Jones being chased by an aeroplane in John Buchan's The 39 Steps (28 December, 8pm, BBC1); and Crooked House (22 December, 10.30pm, BBC4), three ghost stories inspired by M R James and written by Mark Gatiss of The League of Gentlemen.

Though I will be trying hard to avoid Lark Rise to Candleford (21 December, 7.45pm, BBC1), no doubt featuring more hearty wassailing than Nottingham town centre at pub closing, I would be disappointed to miss both Doctor Who (Christmas Day, 6pm, BBC1), in which the Time Lord travels to Victorian Britain to battle with the Cyber Controller, and the Lead Balloon Christmas special (23 December, 10.15pm, BBC2), in which Rick Spleen (Jack Dee) will get excessively worked up at the thought of candied fruit. Arts highlights include Hansel and Gretel from the Royal Opera House (Christmas Day, 3pm, BBC2) and a BBC4 documentary, Prog Rock Britannia (2 January, 10pm), that you will find either thrilling or hilarious, depending on where you stand on the important matter of early Genesis. Personally, my sides ache already.

Look elsewhere, and pickings are slim indeed. Sure, ITV offers us an adaptation of Sarah Waters's best novel, Affinity (28 December, 9pm, ITV1), by one of our best TV writers, Andrew Davies. But its other best efforts are Clash of the Santas (21 December, 9pm, ITV1), in which a pair of competitive brothers-in-law, played by Robson Green and Mark Benton, take part in an international Santa competition in Lithuania; Caught in a Trap (Boxing Day, 9pm, ITV1), starring Connie "Sound of Music" Fisher as a council worker who uses stolen money to fund her love of Elvis memorabilia; and Geraldine McEwan's final outing as Miss Marple (sorry, I mean Agatha Christie's Marple, New Year's Day, 9pm).

As for Channel 4's Christmas schedule, it has tumbleweed blowing right through it. The best I can offer is to point you nervously in the direction of Tony Robinson and the Blitz Witch (29 December, 9pm), in which the exceedingly annoying Time Team presenter "looks in an open-minded way" at the case of Helen Duncan, the 1940s psychic who was famously tried under the Witchcraft Act of 1735. I, for one, am not entirely sure why he needs an open mind: Duncan was a con artist who used to swallow acres of muslin and then vomit it up as "ectoplasm". But perhaps Smarty-Pants Robinson knows different.

Finally, on 2 January, Channel 4 launches Celebrity Big Brother once again (9pm). Lembit Öpik is rumoured to be a contestant, but even if he isn't, CBB's reappearance is a grim and infuriatingly trivial start to a year that anyone with even half a brain knows is going to be very, very difficult.

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