Uniforms for taxi drivers? Old-fashioned colours on trains? Just some of the crap UKIP included in its manifesto for the 2010 election, as revealed to Nigel Farage on the Daily Politics.
It is precisely the UKIP leader's flippancy and his lack of formality that voters find endearing.
UKIP trails Labour by six points but, as in 2009, the party is hoping for a late surge in the polls.
Labour will end the year ahead in the polls, Scotland will reject independence by a double-digit margin and Ed Balls will remain shadow chancellor.
The PM's Ukip-style positioning on immigration is viewed as weakness or blackmail by the rest of the EU.
New polling by Survation in Labour marginals Great Grimsby and Dudley North shows the party neck-and-neck with UKIP.
With 25 appearances by Nigel Farage on Question Time and more than 23,000 press mentions, UKIP is attracting historically unprecedented levels of coverage for a minor party.
Rather than pandering to the UKIP leader, Soubry declared on Question Time: "You do not talk facts, you talk prejudice."
As long as the Tories are directing their fire at UKIP and trying to attract their core vote back, they will continue to remind everyone that they are the nasty party.
UKIP leader denounces "this washed up politician" after he declares that Labour must "absolutely not" support a referendum on EU membership.