Morning Call: pick of the papers

The ten must-read comment pieces from this morning's papers.

1. The young are doomed – and only the old can save them (FT)

Twentysomethings are being forced to delay adulthood, writes Chris Cook.

2. The Paul Flowers affair confirms it: 2015 will be a dirty election (Guardian)

From the Co-op to Mid Staffs, the Tory smear machine is operating at full throttle – and it won't relent till polling day, says Jonathan Freedland.

3. Slavery wasn’t abolished two centuries ago. It thrives in Britain today (Times) (£)

Human trafficking is the fastest-growing human international crime. We need a Modern Slavery Act, says Lucy Maule.

4. This obsession with Ethics is one of the great curses of our time (Telegraph)

Charles Moore: Paul Flowers and the Co-op Bank thought they were so good they couldn’t possibly be bad.

5. Iran can be made a force for Middle Eastern peace (FT)

Tehran wants to end the sanctions and to be seen as a legitimate Middle Eastern power, writes David Gardner.

6. 180 years after abolition, why is it the slave trade is booming? (Guardian)

We equate slavery with a bygone age. But as the case of three women found in a London house shows, it is far from dead, says Danny Smith.

7. China: now an example to the world on climate change? (Telegraph)

The climate change talks in Warsaw are going nowhere - but in the real world China and the US are both finally taking action to curb coal-fired power stations.

8. Why India Is Going to Mars (International New York Times)

The red planet isn’t just about horoscopes. We can live with superstition, and science, writes Manoj Kumar Patairiya.

9. 'Hutching up' – how London's housing crisis has young people at it like rabbits (Guardian)

Harriet Walker: Unaffordable rents mean couples are choosing to live together too soon, or doomed to stay together to avoid the misery of flatsharing.

10. A universal income is not such a silly idea (FT)

The concept of paying people to sit around has an upside, writes Tim Harford.

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An alternative Trainspotting script for John Humphrys’ Radio 4 “Choose Life” tribute

Born chippy.

Your mole often has Radio 4’s Today programme babbling away comfortingly in the background while emerging blinking from the burrow. So imagine its horror this morning, when the BBC decided to sully this listening experience with John Humphrys doing the “Choose Life” monologue from Trainspotting.

“I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got Radio 4?” he concluded, as a nation cringed.

Introduced as someone who has “taken issue with modernity”, Humphrys launched into the film character Renton’s iconic rant against the banality of modern life.

But Humphrys’ role as in-studio curmudgeon is neither endearing nor amusing to this mole. Often tasked with stories about modern technology and digital culture by supposedly mischievous editors, Humphrys sounds increasingly cranky and ill-informed. It doesn’t exactly make for enlightening interviews. So your mole has tampered with the script. Here’s what he should have said:

“Choose life. Choose a job and then never retire, ever. Choose a career defined by growling and scoffing. Choose crashing the pips three mornings out of five. Choose a fucking long contract. Choose interrupting your co-hosts, politicians, religious leaders and children. Choose sitting across the desk from Justin Webb at 7.20 wondering what you’re doing with your life. Choose confusion about why Thought for the Day is still a thing. Choose hogging political interviews. Choose anxiety about whether Jim Naughtie’s departure means there’s dwindling demand for grouchy old men on flagship political radio shows. Choose a staunch commitment to misunderstanding stories about video games and emoji. Choose doing those stories anyway. Choose turning on the radio and wondering why the fuck you aren’t on on a Sunday morning as well. Choose sitting on that black leather chair hosting mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows (Mastermind). Choose going over time at the end of it all, pishing your last few seconds on needlessly combative questions, nothing more than an obstacle to that day’s editors being credited. Choose your future. Choose life . . .”

I'm a mole, innit.