Morning Call: pick of the papers

The ten must-read comment pieces from this morning's papers.

1. The badger cull is no black-and-white issue (Telegraph)

The badger cull gets under way in two pilot areas - but there are huge questions about how effective and humane the mass killing will be, writes Geoffrey Lean

2. Why weird science is all in a day’s work (FT)

Stories of the formula for the perfect penalty kick are cheaper than ads, writes Tim Harford

3. How to tackle the EDL (Guardian)

Those wondering how to respond to English Defence League marches this weekend can look to the example of tea and non-confrontation we set at York mosque, writes Mohamed El-Gomati

4. Fiendish plots are a-hatching in Watford (Telegraph)

It's joy for conspiracy theorists as the Bilderberg Group meets again, says Matthew Norman

5. I celebrate the 'fuck you' behind Pussy Riot's eyes (Guardian)

As Maria Alyokhina's hunger strike continues, her strength inspires others as much as it scares the Russian state, writes Romola Garai

6. I want a little domestic dignitas (Telegraph)

When it comes to dying there’s no place like home, says Vicki Woods

 

7. Ministers who misuse statistics to mislead voters must pay the price (Guardian)

Politicians resign for fake expenses or receiving favours, but not for making false statements. They should be punished, writes Peter Wilby

8. America’s economy is about to take off (FT)

Things can still go wrong, but 2014 should be a year of greater cheer, writes Robin Harding

9. Nothing wrong with a revolving door (FT)

Critics of the former HMRC chief’s new role should not excoriate him, writes Howard Davies

10. Tories could solve Ukip puzzle in Brighton (Telegraph)

The city by the sea is just the place for a Tory revival, says Graeme Archer

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Boris Johnson's "juddering climax"? Don't let it distract you from his record as mayor

As Johnson finishes his term as mayor of London, his own parting shot leaves this mole feeling cold.

Initially, the feeling down here in the Mole townhouse was that Boris Johnson's "Operation Juddering Climax" tweet wasn't worth giving airtime to.
 

After all: it's an attention-seeking device as old as the hills. Sex sells; unfortunately, so does the soon-to-be-former Mayor's brand of weird bombast. So it's not surprising some press officer realised if you can get the voters to imagine Johnson in gaudens (see, Boris, bit of Latin for you there!), they'll get distracted. At the very least, it'll rechannel their disgust so they're not thinking about the fact he's a man whose past achievements include such gems as calling black people “picanninies” and, recently, suggesting “part-Kenyan” Barack Obama may have an “ancestral dislike” of the British empire.

Like a dead cat, once the possibility of an active penis is on the table people tend to get distracted.

So yes, reading Johnson's account yesterday did feel a little like supervising a class of fourth-formers who have just discovered euphemism and can't stop slipping it into their answers in class, continuing long after it stops being funny, massive shit-eating grins on their faces all the time. The temptation is always to ignore it, in the hope they'll get bored with their own supposed cleverness.

But it's actually more sinister than that. Because when Boris pulls this sort of sniggering schoolboy rhetoric out about the "climax" of his mayoralty, what he's actually doing is urging you to forget the stray pube of his water cannon, the crumpled tissue of his awful, boiling buses and the crusty sock which is his environmental legacy.

Well, here at the NS we believe a gentleman should always offer to sleep in the wet patch. So here, as a parting gift of sorts, is a short selection of some things you might remember Boris for:

The bus stock whose internal temperature “breaches legal limits for livestock”

Championed the contentious Garden Bridge

Installed a cable car that is used by fewer passengers than London’s, er, 400 busiest bus routes

Abused his planning power in the mayoral office in what the Guardian called “an assault on democracy”

Spend over £200,000 on two second hand water cannon from Germany – which he’s not allowed to use

That's that done. This mole's off for a cigarette.

I'm a mole, innit.