Morning Call: pick of the papers

The ten must-read comment pieces from this morning's papers.

1. NHS enemies will declare the service broken. But it is not (Guardian)

Mid Staffs will be used to justify further reforms – and of the very kind that contributed to that horror in the first place, says Polly Toynbee.

2. Gove may have lost a skirmish, but he’s winning the war (Daily Telegraph)

The GCSE setback for Gove is proof that he is daring to try something new, says Fraser Nelson.

3. Leave things to the professionals, Mr Gove (Independent)

The Education Secretary almost managed to make his climbdown on the EBC look like part of a bigger masterplan, writes Melissa Benn. Almost, but not quite.

4. The NHS is run for the staff, not the patients (Times) (£)

It’s not heresy to demand that hospitals treat people like customers, says Philip Collins. More listening would have meant fewer deaths.

5. A case to reset basis of monetary policy (Financial Times)

The current regime is meant to stabilise inflation and help stabilise the economy, writes Martin Wolf. It has failed.

6. Tunisia is no longer a revolutionary poster-child (Guardian)

Tunisia's revolution was held up as a model, writes Rachel Shabi. But rising political violence is a real threat to progress.

7. Held back by the Lib Dems... yet again (Daily Mail)

By wrecking Michael Gove's GCSE plan, the Lib Dems have – once again – blocked a reform this country desperately needs if it is not to become an economic also-ran, says a Daily Mail editorial.

8. Intervention: the US won’t, Europe can’t (Financial Times)

Europeans have caught the bug just as the US has shaken it off – but they lack the means, writes Philip Stephens.

9. Bank of England: Mark Carney's circus (Guardian)

Carney's testimony to Treasury select committee made clear that a classic British evolution is the most that is likely to be on the cards, says a Guardian editorial.

The re-re-naming of Stalingrad and Spielberg's latest film Lincoln are both examples of how we revise our national history to suit the needs of the current times, writes Mary Dejevsky.

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An alternative Trainspotting script for John Humphrys’ Radio 4 “Choose Life” tribute

Born chippy.

Your mole often has Radio 4’s Today programme babbling away comfortingly in the background while emerging blinking from the burrow. So imagine its horror this morning, when the BBC decided to sully this listening experience with John Humphrys doing the “Choose Life” monologue from Trainspotting.

“I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got Radio 4?” he concluded, as a nation cringed.

Introduced as someone who has “taken issue with modernity”, Humphrys launched into the film character Renton’s iconic rant against the banality of modern life.

But Humphrys’ role as in-studio curmudgeon is neither endearing nor amusing to this mole. Often tasked with stories about modern technology and digital culture by supposedly mischievous editors, Humphrys sounds increasingly cranky and ill-informed. It doesn’t exactly make for enlightening interviews. So your mole has tampered with the script. Here’s what he should have said:

“Choose life. Choose a job and then never retire, ever. Choose a career defined by growling and scoffing. Choose crashing the pips three mornings out of five. Choose a fucking long contract. Choose interrupting your co-hosts, politicians, religious leaders and children. Choose sitting across the desk from Justin Webb at 7.20 wondering what you’re doing with your life. Choose confusion about why Thought for the Day is still a thing. Choose hogging political interviews. Choose anxiety about whether Jim Naughtie’s departure means there’s dwindling demand for grouchy old men on flagship political radio shows. Choose a staunch commitment to misunderstanding stories about video games and emoji. Choose doing those stories anyway. Choose turning on the radio and wondering why the fuck you aren’t on on a Sunday morning as well. Choose sitting on that black leather chair hosting mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows (Mastermind). Choose going over time at the end of it all, pishing your last few seconds on needlessly combative questions, nothing more than an obstacle to that day’s editors being credited. Choose your future. Choose life . . .”

I'm a mole, innit.