Morning Call: pick of the papers

The ten must-read comment pieces from this morning's papers.

1. We don't need secret courts to protect our US relations (Guardian)

The claim that America's intelligence agencies won't share material if our justice remains open is bogus, says David Davis.

2. Britain suffers delusions of weakness not grandeur (Financial Times)

Nowhere is the UK’s imagined irrelevance less true than in the European Union, writes Janan Ganesh.

3. The fight for the centre ground between Clegg and Cameron makes the coalition fragile (Independent)

The Deputy Prime Minister has created tensions that may be his undoing, writes Steve Richards.

4. Today’s challenges go beyond Keynes (Financial Times)

A different kind of growth path is required, says Jeffrey Sachs.

5. In the US, mass child killings are tragedies. In Pakistan, mere bug splats (Guardian)

Barack Obama's tears for the children of Newtown are in stark contrast to his silence over the children murdered by his drones, says George Monbiot.

 

6. Let us concentrate on real human rights (Daily Telegraph)

The European Court has drifted too far from its principles – and we want to put that right, says Chris Grayling.

 

7. The Leveson report is a charter for control freaks in policing (Guardian)

Lord Justice Leveson's proposals would silence whistleblowers and make the police even more secretive and less accountable, argues Vikram Dodd.

8. Can our leaders find their inner Hercules? (Times) (£)

Obama already embodies a narrative, but Cameron, Miliband and Clegg must find one to explain their actions, writes Rachel Sylvester.

9. Shadow of fear over public's right to know (Daily Mail)

The message sent out by the arrest of a police officer is that the public ought to have been kept in ignorance of Andrew Mitchell’s tirade, says a Daily Mail editorial.

10. A not-so-new dawn in Japan (Independent)

The patriotism that Abe is keen to nurture can easily develop into a dangerous nationalism, says an Independent leader.

Steve Garry
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The footie is back. Three weeks in and what have we learned so far?

Barcleys, boots and big names... the Prem is back.

Another season, another reason for making whoopee cushions and giving them to Spurs fans to cheer them up during the long winter afternoons ahead. What have we learned so far?

Big names are vital. Just ask the manager of the Man United shop. The arrival of Schneiderlin and Schweinsteiger has done wonders for the sale of repro tops and they’ve run out of letters. Benedict Cumberbatch, please join Carlisle United. They’re desperate for some extra income.

Beards are still in. The whole Prem is bristling with them, the skinniest, weediest player convinced he’s Andrea Pirlo. Even my young friend and neighbour Ed Miliband has grown a beard, according to his holiday snaps. Sign him.

Boots Not always had my best specs on, but here and abroad I detect a new form of bootee creeping in – slightly higher on the ankle, not heavy-plated as in the old days but very light, probably made from the bums of newborn babies.

Barclays Still driving me mad. Now it’s screaming from the perimeter boards that it’s “Championing the true Spirit of the Game”. What the hell does that mean? Thank God this is its last season as proud sponsor of the Prem.

Pitches Some groundsmen have clearly been on the weeds. How else can you explain the Stoke pitch suddenly having concentric circles, while Southampton and Portsmouth have acquired tartan stripes? Go easy on the mowers, chaps. Footballers find it hard enough to pass in straight lines.

Strips Have you seen the Everton third kit top? Like a cheap market-stall T-shirt, but the colour, my dears, the colour is gorgeous – it’s Thames green. Yes, the very same we painted our front door back in the Seventies. The whole street copied, then le toot middle classes everywhere.

Scott Spedding Which international team do you think he plays for? I switched on the telly to find it was rugby, heard his name and thought, goodo, must be Scotland, come on, Scotland. Turned out to be the England-France game. Hmm, must be a member of that famous Cumbrian family, the Speddings from Mirehouse, where Tennyson imagined King Arthur’s Excalibur coming out the lake. Blow me, Scott Spedding turns out to be a Frenchman. Though he only acquired French citizenship last year, having been born and bred in South Africa. What’s in a name, eh?

Footballers are just so last season. Wayne Rooney and Harry Kane can’t score. The really good ones won’t come here – all we get is the crocks, the elderly, the bench-warmers, yet still we look to them to be our saviour. Oh my God, let’s hope we sign Falcao, he’s a genius, will make all the difference, so prayed all the Man United fans. Hold on: Chelsea fans. I’ve forgotten now where he went. They seek him here, they seek him there, is he alive or on the stairs, who feckin’ cares?

John Stones of Everton – brilliant season so far, now he is a genius, the solution to all of Chelsea’s problems, the heir to John Terry, captain of England for decades. Once he gets out of short trousers and learns to tie his own laces . . .

Managers are the real interest. So refreshing to have three young British managers in the Prem – Alex Neil at Norwich (34), Eddie Howe at Bournemouth (37) and that old hand at Swansea, Garry Monk, (36). Young Master Howe looks like a ball boy. Or a tea boy.

Mourinho is, of course, the main attraction. He has given us the best start to any of his seasons on this planet. Can you ever take your eyes off him? That handsome hooded look, that sarcastic sneer, the imperious hand in the air – and in his hair – all those languages, he’s so clearly brilliant, and yet, like many clever people, often lacking in common sense. How could he come down so heavily on Eva Carneiro, his Chelsea doctor? Just because you’re losing? Yes, José has been the best fun so far – plus Chelsea’s poor start. God, please don’t let him fall out with Abramovich. José, we need you.

Hunter Davies is a journalist, broadcaster and profilic author perhaps best known for writing about the Beatles. He is an ardent Tottenham fan and writes a regular column on football for the New Statesman.

This article first appeared in the 27 August 2015 issue of the New Statesman, Isis and the new barbarism