Maybe Wayne will give the bible a bash

We all have to face awful decisions in life. On Sunday, lying in bed, the staff having brought me my morning tea, I switched on the radio, which is set to Radio 4, forgetting it was Sunday, ie religion, with Ed Stourton, who is good, actually, followed by the morning service, which has some good hymns, actually, and sometimes I find myself singing along, but not often, for I always switch over sharpish to 5 Live.

I then have to be quick to put the sound down in case they mention Saturday's scores. I always avoid them till I watch Match of the Day, which I have recorded and watch after Sunday brekker.

So, over to Radio 5 - and oh no, those bloody giant mosquitos have got inside my radio, making a terrible noise, and two blokes are shouting at each other in a language I don't understand. Yup, it was a Grand Prix, from Korea, I think, though I didn't pause long.

So, that was the terrible choice I had to make. Religion or Formula One ? I hate both. So I plumped for silence.

Capello's dilemma is Rooney. Take him to the Euro finals next summer, yet knowing he can't play (because of suspension) in any of the first-round games? The back-page experts think he can't afford to leave Wayne behind, his best player. I suspect Capello will plump for silence. Say nothing, do nothing, until the very last moment.

But what about Wayne? He also has some decisions to make. How is he going to put up with the next eight months not playing for England? Then, if he is taken to Ukraine-Poland, as a non-playing part of the squad, how will he survive those long, boring weeks in the training camp, then not playing, doing bugger all on match days, except sit on his bum on the bench?

He is a restless soul, who needs action and activity, though not as manically hyperactive as Gazza. At World Cup and Euro training camps, Gazza used to get up at five and talk some poor sod into playing tennis with him, even in the dark, and even though Bobby Robson had specifically banned games like tennis in case someone got injured.

Wayne, bless him, has not many inner resources. Computer games, he loves 'em, but is not mad on reading. I did give him a book once and he was caught by a pap sitting by a pool reading it, which was good for his image. (And mine, as it was one of my books.)

Jigsaws? Knitting ? Hmm, bit late. Let's hope he does not go back to betting to fill in the empty hours. Fergie has said he was "devastated" by his suspension, so it could dwell on his mind. He has done poorly for England in big tournaments so far, for one reason or another. He could start worrying that in eight months Capello will have discovered a new winning formation.

Who he?

Seems only yesterday we were all thinking that Tevez was absolutely vital to Man City; their best player, upon whom they would always depend. Now they are top of the league - without him. Carlos who? We will soon all be saying.

Wayne needs something to occupy his mind. He is not stupid, has a sharp but untrained mind, so perhaps he will take up some form of self-improvement, such as learning a new language. Always useful, for the modern player, never knowing which country they might end up playing in.

Did you know that Wayne studied Spanish when he was at De La Salle Catholic comp in Liverpool? I have a copy of his school report in front of me dated July 1999. He was in Form 8B and his teacher was Miss Greaves. (Any relation, I wonder, to Jimmy ? I forgot to ask.)

Alas, his Spanish exam result was not very impressive that year - 0 per cent was what he scored. He did much better in English (39 per cent) , Maths (40 per cent), and History ( 54 per cent). In RE he did exceptionally well, scoring 63 per cent . He still remembers enjoying it, considering it his best subject.

Reading his Bible, studying the texts, comparing religious theories, that could be excellent for keeping a healthy boy out of trouble. Perhaps combine it with studying Philosopy. Being philosophical, that is certainly what he will need for the next eight months . . .

Hunter Davies is a journalist, broadcaster and profilic author perhaps best known for writing about the Beatles. He is an ardent Tottenham fan and writes a regular column on football for the New Statesman.

This article first appeared in the 24 October 2011 issue of the New Statesman, The art of lying