What makes a good football manager? We'll never know

The most dispiriting question I used to face was, "Is there much more of this stuff?" God probably gets asked it a lot, too.

It happened to me in the first few months after joining the Manchester Evening Chronicle in 1958. I'd be sent on a story, such as a fire or accident, struggle to get some quotes, then cower behind a telephone booth writing it out, despite knowing I'd get a bollocking from the news editor for taking so long. I'd eventually get through to copy, feeling quite pleased with my sparkling account, and start dictating. Halfway through, a very bored, long suffering copy-taker would ask, "Is there much more of this stuff?" And my heart would sink.

My wife asked a question the other day that caused a similar feeling: "What do managers do?"

"Isn't there some ironing that needs doing?" I replied. "Different managers do different things in different ways, pet, and can succeed or fail for, well, different reasons. Is that the doorbell?"

She was reading about Martin Jol getting the push from Spurs - and wondered why. The team was playing rubbish, getting stuffed, that's the simple reason. "But last season, under Jol, you said they would now overtake Arsenal?"

"Oh God, woman. That was because for two seasons he got the team to fifth. Berbatov was brilliant last year and now seems too bored to bother. If Jol could explain it, he'd still be there."

"So why don't they sack the team?" was her follow-up question. I gave another sigh. "You don't understand. It doesn't work that way. Look, haven't you got a book to write?"

Dropping individuals can help, but it can also make it worse, as in the case of Berbatov and Defoe, making them sulkier. Dropping a whole team is possible, but you'd need a formidable squad. Man United has the best, but when Fergie played all his kids in a recent cup tie, they were useless.

No, in the end, it always boils down to the manager. He's the one who makes the difference. Or not. How else can you explain Scotland's phenomenal rise from 88th in the Fifa world rankings two years ago, to 13th today? The team hasn't changed. They still have no stars, except McFadden, and he's never sure of his place at Everton. Only one would make it into the England squad - the goalie, Craig Gordon.

So it has to be the manager, Alex McLeish, plus the previous one, Walter Smith, who have worked the miracle.

By the same token, if we agree that England is fortunate in having four or five world-class stars at present - OK, if we believe what Sky commentators and the back pages tell us - then it must be bad management that has turned them into crap underperformers.

It's only right that the Northern Rock bosses have to go when they fail. No point in sacking those nice Geordie lasses who answer the telephones. Staff, like footballers, need a manager.

In football, he picks the players - going for the best team, not the 11 best individuals. He decides their formation and dictates their tactics - general tactics when in possession and defending, specific tactics at set pieces. During the game, he makes any necessary changes. And that's about it really. Easy.

So, I hope that answers your question, my petal. Which, of course, it doesn't. There's an Element X we'll never fathom.

In Matt Busby's team talk, he used to say, "Right lads, go out and enjoy yourselves." Then he'd turn to his assistant who would reply, "I think you've covered everything, boss."

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