The best US teams are fit, fast and skilful, on a level with Derby

I don't like watching footer on TV with other people, but months ago when I said John from California could stay the night I hadn't realised it would clash with Andorra-England.

He's my oldest friend from college days, a chemist who emigrated in the Sixties after he got his PhD - part of the brain drain who went to work in America's nuclear industry. But he's always been a football fan, more devoted than I am, in that he attends World Cups and Euro matches, cheering on England, along with a little gang of other Californian expats.

All the same, he said, he'd prefer to watch Italy-Scotland. Be a better match, more atmospheric. Hard cheese, I said. It's my house.

Oh and by the way, I have house rules. During the game you can only talk about what's on the screen. Don't mention Iraq, Gordon Brown, our tortoise, even though, yes, it is out.

We caught the first ten minutes of Scotland, as they overlapped slightly, and it was great to watch, compared with England. In fact, watching our tortoise wake up was more exciting than England. That first half was so dire, so depressing, that I found myself breaking my own rules.

"How're the Earthquakes?" I asked. That's John's local soccer team in San Jose, recent winners of the MLS - America's Major League Soccer. He's sent me cuttings about them over the years, team photos and other fab souvenirs for my collection. "Deceased," he said. "No longer with us."

"You what?"

Turned out the club had moved to Houston, some 2,000 miles away, and changed their name. The fans back in San Jose are well pissed off, and complained to the local papers, but they could do nothing about it. The owner, who also happens to own LA Galaxy, can do what he likes with his franchise.

Soccer is popular enough in San Jose, and elsewhere in the US, but mainly with college kids and Wasps. There is a sizeable Mexican population locally, who will turn out in their tens of thousands if a Mexican team visits, but they had little interest in the Earthquakes.

Most players in the US league are from a similar college boy background. They don't get paid a lot, averaging around $50,000-$100,000 a year, though a star such as Lardon Donovan gets a bit more, but they're very fit, very fast, and quite skilful.

According to John, the best teams are on a level with the top of the Football League Championship, say Preston or Derby. The days of the European stars, coming to ponce about at the end of their careers, is over. Lothar Matthäus came recently and only lasted a season, unable to keep up.

So how will Becks do at LA Galaxy? "Well, he won't get hacked down. You don't get dirty teams, the way it would happen in England, with players trying to rough him up just because of his reputation. Americans tend to play fair, and the refs will protect him.

"I think all the US clubs, and the players, are pleased he's coming. His wage is, of course, phenomenal, if it's true - about a hundred times more than the average - but they can see his arrival will be good for the game as a whole.

"He'll have to be on his toes. Most players are pretty young and very keen. It won't be a doddle for him . . ."

By this time, Gerrard, thank gawd, had scored, so I said shsshh, house rules. But I think I might change them - but only for England games. It's vital to have a distraction. Otherwise the suffering is too painful . . .

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