Close your eyes and don't think of England, writes Hunter Davies - they're a disgrace
I have the solution to England's problem. What problem, you ask, having been under the duvet since 1966. Players being total rubbish whenever they play for England, and a succession of witless managers, that's the problem. Plus the effect this has on the football population. I was so depressed after that Spain game that I began looking up Suicide Bridge in the A-Z, but fortunately a steroid injection in my knee gave me back the will to live.
We have got to the stage in our football history when the average Premiership fan cares more about his own team than the national one. The London Evening Standard proved last week what we've all been aware of. It surveyed fans of the seven London Prem clubs and, overall, 56 per cent said they'd rather see their club win the League title than England win the World Cup. It was never like that when I was a lad, tra la, the national team was by far the most important team. Today, Prem clubs play better football, try harder, give more entertainment, more excitement, mainly, of course, because they are not dragged down by being full of England players.
The FA only ever had two good years and three good ideas. In 1863, it codified the rules of football, so well done, FA. Second good year was 1872, when it began the FA Cup and also held the first international, England v Scotland. Since then, it has done nothing new, had no good ideas, been fit for no purpose.
For example, despite running football for 25 years on its own, it never thought of the most obvious thing: having a league system. All the FA did was organise endless friendlies or Cup games. It took a Scotsman, William McGregor, a director of Aston Villa, to suggest a football league - you know, a group of teams playing each other each week, with two points for a win.
Only 12 clubs joined in, all from the north or Midlands, none from the FA's heartland in London and the south. So began, in 1888, the Football League, a second body running our football. In 1992, along came a third body, the Premier League, making the FA superfluous to most requirements. Its committees of 60 blokes wearing blazers should then have retired gracefully.
Fifa was founded in 1904. The FA wouldn't join at first, being snotty and superior, thinking we began all this, we're not letting Johnny Foreigners tell us what to do, but eventually it had to join in.
Today, it's Fifa that decrees the rules of football, not the FA. That leaves the FA Cup, which has lost most of its glamour, and the national team, which has lost all of its games that ever really mattered since 1970.
When I was a lad, more tra la, home internationals were huge events. My little heart beat so fast I thought it would burst when Scotland was playing England. Which we often did, ditto Wales and Northern Ireland. But the FA packed them in and we've had no home internationals for almost 20 years.
So, precedents have been set, the FA has been shrinking, the international scene has changed. Forget the prejudice and abuse being heaped on Steve McClaren for his fecklessness; the facts speak for themselves. He has the worst record in his first seven games of any England manager since Walter Winterbottom in 1946 - which was when England managers began. Before that, FA committees picked the teams.
The decline of the FA and England is so apparent that the end is inevitable. So do it now, before we get stuffed by Israel and humiliated by Andorra. Pack it in. Close down the England team. Please, put us all out of our misery . . .
Post this article to
We want to encourage people to comment on our content and to exchange views with other readers and hope this will be done on a courteous basis. However, if you encounter posts which are offensive please let us know by emailing comments@newstatesman.co.uk and we will take swift action where necessary.
