Rumours of imminent split as physicists declare Higgs particle “boring”

Daily Mail offers ray of hope to the couple.

Maybe it was just a summer romance. After all those public appearances together back in July, physicists are now getting bored with the Higgs boson.

This week we’ve had the first announcement of new results since that “we’re madly in love” moment. The relationship between physics and the Higgs looked “nearly perfect” according to Scientific American. The Higgs was “exciting”, according to the Guardian. There were even hints of "exotic" goings on.

However, close friends of the couple, who gathered this week at the Hadron Collider Physics symposium in Kyoto, Japan, say that physics is just not that into the Higgs boson any more. New Scientist says the particle is no fun: it’s “maddeningly well-behaved”.

The Guardian goes further, reporting that physics is finding its former sweetheart the “most boring” a Higgs particle could be. Clearly, physics was hoping for a kooky, Zooey Deschanel kind of a boson. But, as the Guardian puts it, “there is nothing peculiar about the particle's behaviour.”

It turns out the Higgs doesn’t have any hidden depths. There are no tantalising secrets to tease out. The boson has nothing to say about the universe that physics didn’t already know. Spending time together is turning out to be a chore for physics.

The relationship won’t have been helped by physics tomcatting around looking for something new. Physics now claims other particles were always going to be far more interesting than the “plain-old” Higgs (Scientific American again).

The big hope was for a hook-up with “supersymmetric” particles. These, though, have been playing hard to get. Searches for supersymmetry have drawn a blank, leaving physics with no prospects other than enduring a long-term relationship with the Higgs boson. As physicist Jon Butterworth observes, it’s “a bit disappointing”.

The one ray of hope comes from the Daily Mail, which somehow interpreted the supersymmetry results as “dramatic particle reshaping that could push back the frontiers of physics”. In Mail World, there’s clearly no relationship so broken that radical surgery can’t fix it.

 

The Higgs boson is “maddeningly well-behaved”.

Michael Brooks holds a PhD in quantum physics. He writes a weekly science column for the New Statesman, and his most recent book is At The Edge of Uncertainty: 11 Discoveries Taking Science By Surprise.

Joshua M. Jones for Emojipedia
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The emojis proposed for release in 2016 are faintly disturbing

Birds of prey, dead flowers and vomit: Emojipedia's vision for 2016. 

Since, as we're constantly being told, emojis are now the fastest growing languge in the UK, it seems only appropriate that its vocabulary should expand to include more commonly used images or ideas as its popularity increases. 

Next year, the Unicode Consortium, which decides which new codes can be added to the emoji dictionary, will approve a new round of symbols. So far, 38 suggestions have been accepted as candidates for the final selection. Emojipedia, an online emoji resource, has taken it upon itself to mock up the new symbols based on the appearance of existing emojis (though emojis are designed slightly differently by different operating systems like Apple or Android). The full list will be decided by Unicode in mid-2016. 

As it stands, the new selection is a little... well, dark. 

First, there are the faces: a Pinocchio-nosed lying face, a dribbling face, a nauseous face, an upset-looking lady and a horrible swollen clown head: 

Then there's what I like to call the "melancholy nighttime collection", including a bat, owl, fox, blackened heart and dying rose: 

Here we have a few predators, thrown in for good measure, and a stop sign:

There are a few symbols of optimism amid the doom and gloom, including a pair of crossed fingers, clinking champagne glasses and smiling cowboy, plus a groom and prince to round out the bride and princess on current release. (You can see the full list of mock-ups here). But overall, the tone is remarkably sombre. 

Perhaps as emoji become ever more popular as a method of communication, we need to accept that they must represent the world in all its darkness and nuance. Not every experience deserves a smiley face, after all. 

All mock-ups: Emojpedia.

Barbara Speed is a technology and digital culture writer at the New Statesman and a staff writer at CityMetric.