I think I'm turning native. I now look forward to the quarterly radio listening figures (the Rajars) more than is strictly healthy. No sooner have I read all the details than I rush up to my husband's office to tell him What It All Means. Naturally, I'm mostly bluffing. What does it all mean?

I'm damned if I know. It's obvious that radio is enjoying a boom - more people are listening, and to more stations - and clear that while the BBC remains dominant, commercial stations are reporting an upturn in revenues. Yet it is harder to fathom the minutiae. For instance, the news that Classic FM is losing listeners had me jumping up and down; the station is all lace and no knickers, and I loathe it. But then I noticed that TalkSport, home of George "Top Cat" Galloway and the Sun columnist Jon Gaunt, is growing its audience. How did this happen? (And, no, please don't write in to explain: I'm not sure I can take it.)

The most recent set of Rajars generated some big headlines. One of these was that Jamie Theakston's breakfast show on Heart 106.2 is now the most listened to in London, ahead of Johnny Vaughan on Capital and Chris Moyles on Radio 1. This is pleasing - anything that helps keep Fatty Moyles's ego in check is a good thing - but also mysterious. Who knew that mild-mannered Theakston had it in him?

Actually, I did, though my hunch had nothing to do with his abilities as a DJ. I happened to watch a DVD of Rock Profile, in which David Walliams and Matt Lucas pretend to be pop stars and Theakston, playing himself, interviews them. Somewhat to my astonishment, he made a really good straight guy. Even so, it is amazing that he can beat two old (and hugely well-paid) hands at their own game. Vaughan, with a fat new contract that will keep him at Capital for a while yet, must be feeling especially sheepish.

What is Theakston's secret? The secret is that there is no secret. The Heart bosses have decided to go back to basics, and it is working. The show is so gimmick-free, it verges on being old-fashioned: Sugababes, chat, Snow Patrol, more chat. Theakston sounds like what he is - a polite, middle-class young man with a moderately good sense of humour. He teases his desk mate, Harriet Scott, a bit, but not too much; he sounds energetic, but never manic; and he avoids the shoutiness of his rivals. For those about to leave the safety of their homes for London's transport system, this must come as something of a relief.

The other big story is that radio listeners are abandoning The Archers (the rural soap opera had 169,000 fewer listeners than in the previous quarter). This is said to be the result of recent "sensationalist" storylines: a gay wedding, and a love triangle involving Ruth and David Archer and their cowman, Sam. Now, I am a devoted listener of The Archers - it marks the moment when I leave my desk and head for the gin bottle - so I've thought hard about this. The problem is not the storylines; it is the particular characters around whom the storylines have been built. Ruth is too whiny. I would like to shove her head in the nearest horse trough. Adam and Ian, the only gays in the village, are too chirpy. I long for them to choke on one of Grey Gables's millefeuilles. What we fans want is more Lilian, more Brian (Brian, so pompous and yet so oddly lovable!) and more Lynda. Now that's what I call a love triangle.

Pick of the week

Jazz File: It Don’t Mean a Thing
17 February, 6pm, Radio 3
The ever-brilliant Russell Davies looks at the hidden history of gay jazz.

Saturday Play: The Loved One
17 February, 2.30pm, Radio 4
Julian Rhind-Tutt and Mark Gatiss star in an adaptation of Evelyn Waugh’s very funny novel.

Don't miss . . .
Slave Britain

Galleries and museums across the UK are marking the 200th anniversary of the abolition of the slave trade - the V&A's exhibition "Uncomfortable Truths", which opens 20 February, examines its legacy on contemporary art.

"Slave Britain: the 21st-century trade in human lives" emphasises that slavery is still not a thing of the past for this country. Portraits by Karen Robinson depict women trafficked into prostitution; David Rose photographs places where people have been held in slave-like conditions (for instance, the Sheffield road pictured right). The images will be displayed on a cage-like structure in the imposing surroundings of St Paul's.

From 21 February to 29 March, St Paul's Cathedral, London EC4