Radio
The Thunderer brings you Paul McKenna
Published 05 February 2007
Newspaper podcasts still vary from boring to ridiculous
I've been revisiting the newspaper podcasts to see if they have improved. They haven't. Most media commentators began the new year insisting that 2007 is make-or-break time for the papers as far as the internet goes; those that don't get with the programme will fall by the wayside. Hmm. What I want to know is: has any of these commentators ever actually listened to a newspaper podcast? I doubt it. If they had, they would not write about them with such reverence. To read about podcasts, anyone would think they were a panacea for all print's woes, rather than - as is really the case - the witterings of a handful of hacks who've been locked in a cupboard with a microphone.
Still, one podcast did catch my eye: loitering at number 12 in the iTunes Store's top 20 is the Times's five-part series Make a New You, with Paul McKenna. I am mildly obsessed by McKenna, the celebrated hypnotist who is now a motivational guru. Is he a smoothie or is he a nerd? Is he creepy or comforting? I can never make up my mind, but I do know that I long to meet him. It fascinates me that he is making an awful lot of money from touting what feels to me like so much common sense. His bestselling diet book, for instance, is full of advice such as: when you are full, stop eating. Crikey.
This is inspirational. So much so, that it has inspired me to write my own self-help book, which will contain, among other bits of gnomic wisdom, the mantra: Walking to work will save you the cost of your bus fare. Good, eh?
I don't suffer from insomnia, nor do I smoke (often). I'm also in good health. That left me with a podcast to help me lose weight, and another promising to help me get motivated. Listening to them was the best fun I've had in ages.
McKenna's weight-loss system ("proven success rate of 71 per cent") includes a weird physical routine that you have to do over and over again - a kind of static aerobics that will, he says, reduce your desire for food faster than you can say "ravenous maw". I did as instructed, and tried to keep up.
"Use two fingers, tap under your collarbone five times," he said. "Now tap under your eye, the side of your hand, the back of your hand. Now close your eyes, open them, now rotate them. Now hum 'Happy Birthday' while tapping your collarbone again . . ." I looked, and felt, like a mad person.
In his firm but perky voice, McKenna told me to run through this Saint-Vitus-dance-style routine when I feel like chocolate. I am not convinced. In any case, imagine doing it in Pret a Manger.
So I moved on to motivation. Come on, Paul, kick my ass! This, if anything, was even weirder. McKenna believes that a state of "total and utter motivation" is a "neuro-physical state". The best way to get into this state is to remember - while pressing together the thumb and middle finger of your right hand - a previous time when you felt motivated. I closed my eyes (don't worry: I wasn't driving, and the only "machinery" I was operating was my computer) and thought about my A-levels while pressing said digits firmly together. Pathetic. I then set about my next piece of work, which, as it turns out, was this column.
So what do you think? Am I achieving? Am I taking risks? You decide. Meanwhile, the search for a sensible, interesting, well-researched and non-annoying newspaper podcast goes on.
Pick of the week
Dermot O'Leary
3 February, 4.30pm, Radio 2
Dermot's no great shakes as a DJ, but today, the Magic Numbers will be live from Maida Vale Studios.
The Hunt for the Hum
3 February, 10.30am, Radio 4
The comedian Bill Bailey explores the phenomenon of mysterious, low-frequency sounds.
Don't miss
Omid Djalili on tour
In two previous shows - Short Fat Kebab Shop Owner's Son and Arab and the Jew - Omid Djalili announced himself as "the only British-Iranian comedian". His recent work, however, has moved away from stock jokes revolving around ethnic stereotypes to tackle more controversial subjects, such as suicide bombing and conflict in the Middle East. But Djalili does maintain his crowd-pleasing style of delivery. And he is soon to hit the big time: this tour uses material from his stand-up series The Omid Djalili Show, which airs later this year on BBC1.
Touring until 6 March at venues nationwide. For further details see: http://www.omidnoagenda.com
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