Why has the arch-witterer survived Radio 2's revamp?

When I was tipped off that Lesley Douglas, the controller of Radio 2, had revamped the station's Sunday schedule, I could hardly contain my excitement. Deep in my gut, I felt that she must have decided to do something about Elaine Paige: namely, despatch Paige to her Surrey mansion (or wherever she lives - for some reason, I can only picture her in a vast, red-brick house with a faux-Roman portico) and restore Russell Davies to his rightful position, with a longer slot more worthy of his fine talents. (At present, he gets an hour in the afternoon: Paige, the arch-witterer, gets half an hour more.) But, no. Paige survives. Meanwhile, in the evening, guess who now has his very own show? Oh, only Alan Titchmarsh, the TV gardener and - deep breath - novelist.

Bear with me, because this is complicated. To make way for Alan, as from this Sunday (28 January), Your Hundred Best Tunes will be axed after 47 years and Sheridan Morley moved elsewhere, so that Titchmarsh can have the Melodies for You show. I notice with a sinking heart that Davies will now pop up at 9pm, and still only for an hour. His Sunday-afternoon slot will be mopped up by a longer Pick of the Pops, as hosted by Dale "I'm the Colour of Korma" Winton.

Now, I hold no brief for Your Hundred Best Tunes, which has been presented by Richard Baker since 2003 and is as crusty as a tramp's toes. Nor will I grieve for Morley, who is so pompous and plummy, I often wonder if he wears a velvet DJ to the studio. But still, these changes are unfathomable. Paige is awful: boring and amateurish. She can introduce the most exciting show tune in the world, and still I feel like doing nothing more than sigh. So why, when the furniture was shifted, did she stay standing, like some teak sideboard no one could be bothered to move? Titchmarsh is another witterer. I can just about deal with him when he's talking bulbs, but I really don't want to hear his thoughts on Bizet. Alas, he thinks he's above bulbs now.

Last Sunday I tuned in to Douglas's other new celebrity signing, Ricky Gervais's sidekick Stephen Merchant, who presents a show (3pm) on BBC6 Music, which she also controls. Unlike Winton, Paige, Titchmarsh et al (a roll-call so gruesome, it might be a producer's wish-list for Celebrity Big Brother 2008), Merchant knows exactly what he is doing. For one thing, he has fantastic taste.

The first time I heard him, he was playing "You Haven't Done Nothin'" by Stevie Wonder, a record that had me practically kissing my radio. For another, he is funny. If I caught any other DJ saying "Hope you're chilling out" or "That has a great West Coast vibe", I would have to switch them off immediately - my first thought would be "Smashy and Nicey live". But Merchant can get away with anything. It's all in his voice. The Bristol accent makes him sound sweetly sincere. His instinct for comedy, on the other hand, makes him sound slyly ironic. In a DJ, it is a killer combination. As he sends up his own mistakes - "This is going to be one of the most incredible links" - you can't help but warm to him.

The question is: where does all that leave me and Lesley Douglas? Well, right now, the books are pretty evenly balanced. She gives with one hand (Dylan and Merchant), and takes away with the other (Paige and Titchmarsh). It's all mighty confusing.

Pick of the week

6 Music’s Cover Lovers with Liz Kershaw
27 January, 10am, BBC6 Music
Listeners' top 40 cover versions. Hope Rolf Harris doesn't make it

Prescott at Your Service
31 January, 11am, Radio 4
The Deputy PM recalls waiting on Anthony Eden on board a boat to New Zealand. Bizarre.

Don't miss . . .

Martin Bloch: a painter's painter

Martin Bloch (1883-1954) was a German immigrant who came to England fleeing from the Nazis. Initially sequestered as an "enemy alien" in Liverpool and the Isle of Man, Bloch was finally allowed to settle in London at the height of the Second World War.

This, his first major exhibition in the UK, will include eyewitness works of the period such as Edwardes Square, Summer (1937-38; detail pictured right) alongside earlier works that document the rise of fascism and the end of Weimar Germany.

Runs from 30 January to 15 April at the Sainsbury Centre for Visual Arts, University of East Anglia, Norwich. Info: www.scva.org.uk

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