Theresa May. Photo: Getty
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How would the Daily Mail report other policies through history if they were announced by Theresa May?

At last, someone is cracking down on Princes in the tower. 

Something strange has happened. A disturbance in the force.

The Daily Mail . . .  likes someone?

We know, it's eerie. 

This morning, the paper has responded to news that older people will be expected to pay more for their care - something it had previously attacked as a "death tax" - by rejoicing that: "EVERYONE can defer care bill - and keep £100k assets". 

And when the Conservatives announced action on energy bills - previously decried by the paper as likely to "make the lights go out" - it was welcomed as a "crackdown on energy rip-offs". As Ed Miliband's former adviser tweeted:

 

This got the Mole wondering. How would other policies through history have been reported by the Daily Mail had they been announced by Theresa May? Here are a few suggestions:

Logan's Run

MAY'S BIG IDEA TO CUT CARE BILLS

The Black Death

MAY: I'LL MAKE IT EASIER TO GET ON THE PROPERTY LADDER

French Revolution

MAY'S CAKE FOR ALL

Soviet show trials

MAY SWEEPS AWAY EU-LOVING JUDGES

Mary I's loss of Calais

FINALLY, WE'RE OUT OF EUROPE

 

The 1696 window tax

MAY: I'LL HELP FAMILIES SAVE ON SUNCREAM

The Puritan abolition of Christmas

MAY'S PRODUCTIVITY BOOST

MAY'S TURKEY REPRIEVE

MAY SAVES FAMILIES THOUSANDS ON NEEDLESS FOOT SPAS

Collective farming

MAY TO TACKLE OBESITY CRISIS

The cultural revolution

SPARROWS WERE OVER-RATED ANYWAY

King Herod's slaughter of male babies

MAY EASES PRESSURE ON SCHOOL PLACES

MAY'S BOOST FOR GIRLS' CHANCES IN STEM SUBJECTS

Death of the Princes in the Tower

MAY ENSURES STRONG, STABLE GOVERNMENT

Molotov-Ribbentrop pact

MAY'S NEW SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP

Opium Wars

AT LAST, A SENSIBLE CONVERSATION ON DRUGS

Roman withdrawal of legions in AD410

FINALLY, EUROPE IS OUT OF US

I'm a mole, innit.

Getty Images.
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Theresa May missed an easy opportunity on EU citizens' rights

If the UK had made a big, open and generous offer, the diplomatic picture would be very different.

It's been seven hours and 365 days...and nothing compares to EU, at least as far as negotiations go.

First David Davis abandoned "the row of the summer" by agreeing to the EU's preferred negotiating timetable. Has Theresa May done the same in guaranteeing the rights of EU citizens living here indefinitely?

Well, sort of. Although the PM has said that there have to be reciprocal arrangements for British citizens abroad, the difficulty is that because we don't have ID cards and most of our public services are paid for not out of an insurance system but out of general taxation, the issues around guaranteeing access to health, education, social security and residence are easier.

Our ability to enforce a "cut-off date" for new migrants from the European Union is also illusory, unless the government thinks it has the support in parliament and the logistical ability to roll out an ID card system by March 2019. (It doesn't.)

If you want to understand how badly the PM has managed Britain's Brexit negotiations, then the rights of the three million EU nationals living in Britain is the best place to start. The overwhelming support in the country at large for guaranteeing the rights of EU citizens, coupled with the deep unease among Conservative MPs about not doing so, meant that it was never a plausible bargaining chip. (That's before you remember that the bulk of the British diaspora in Europe lives in countries with small numbers of EU citizens living in the UK. You can't secure a good deal from Spain by upsetting the Polish government.) It just made three million people, their friends and their families nervous for a year and irritated our European partners, that's all.

If the United Kingdom had made a big, open and generous offer on citizens' rights a year ago, as Vote Leave recommended in the referendum, the diplomatic picture would be very different. (It would be better still if, again, as Vote Leave argued, we hadn't triggered Article 50, an exit mechanism designed to punish an emergent dictatorship that puts all the leverage on the EU27's side.)

As it happens, May's unforced errors in negotiations, the worsening economic picture and the tricky balancing act in the House of Commons means that Remainers can hope both for a softer exit and that they might yet convince voters that nothing compares to EU after all. (That a YouGov poll shows the number of people willing to accept EU rules in order to keep the economy going stretching to 58 per cent will only further embolden the soft Brexiteers.)

For Brexiteers, that means that if Brexit doesn't go well, they have a readymade scapegoat in the government. It means Remainers can credibly hope for a soft Brexit – or no Brexit at all. 

Stephen Bush is special correspondent at the New Statesman. His daily briefing, Morning Call, provides a quick and essential guide to domestic and global politics.

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