Anne McIntosh montage by Dan Murrell
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Commons confidential: Anne McIntosh’s big gamble

The dumped Tory MP for Thirsk is hosting a party in September in London’s Hippodrome Casino.

Scotland is already a separate country in the eyes of Qataris. On a trip to the natural-gas-powered Gulf monarchy to report on the exploitation of migrant workers mainly from developing countries such as India and Nepal, I spied a workforce listed at a construction site in the capital, Doha. Next to 80 workers named as being from the UK were three from Scotland.

Should the 2022 World Cup kick off in the conservative state, I’d advise female footie fans to pack a wedding certificate. In the Building and Wood Workers’ International delegation was Ellie Reeves. The Labour NEC member was stopped by a police officer as she strolled along the Corniche in the group. The copper demanded to know if she was married to any of the men present: three officials from the Ucatt construction union and the Labour MPs Stephen Hepburn and Chris Williamson. The union’s chief politico, Jim Kennedy, stepped forward to play the role of the gallant Sir Walter Raleigh by pretending that Reeves was his wife for the duration of the walk. Reeves, married to the MP John Cryer, is a feminist but recognised that argument is futile in a dictatorship if you want to catch a flight home later in the day. 

Keeps nasty company, David Cameron. It was brought to my attention that the PM rubbed shoulders with a Nazi apologist during a Brussels gathering of his party’s far-right allies. With the chief Con at the meeting of the European Conservatives and Reformists Group was the MEP Roberts Zile of Latvia’s For Fatherland and Freedom party, an organisation that every year honours Nazi SS veterans. I bet Cameron kept quiet about the association on his recent flying visit to Israel.

A Liberal Democrat leaflet popped through your correspondent’s letter box. It positioned Clegg’s Yellow Peril as the champion of “ordinary working people”. With Cameron’s Conservatives posing as representatives of “hard-working people”, is there a gap in the market for Miliband’s Labour? I’ve long felt “reluctantly working people” are ignored politically.

Is Anne McIntosh under starter’s orders to save her Thirsk seat? The dumped MP, deselected by a North Yorkshire hunting set rallying behind another Old Etonian chap, is hosting a party in September. The “save the date” invitation misdirected my way reveals that the venue is the Hippodrome Casino in London. The choice is peculiar for someone the Public Whip website judges is “against permissiveness” on gambling after a study of her voting record. Intriguing.

I hear there was a kerfuffle at the TUC women’s conference. The Ucatt political officer Kate Purcell was unceremoniously bundled out of the room after holding up a large, home-made message requesting that the chair, Prospect’s Sue Ferns, persuade her lecturer other half not to do a Tristram Hunt by crossing university picket lines. Nothing sisterly in the strong-arm reaction to the doughty Ms Purcell’s protest.

 

Editor's note: This column mistakenly referred to Jeremy Hunt crossing picket lines, this has been corrected to Tristram Hunt. (7th April 2014).

Kevin Maguire is the associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror

Kevin Maguire is Associate Editor (Politics) on the Daily Mirror and author of our Commons Confidential column on the high politics and low life in Westminster. An award-winning journalist, he is in frequent demand on television and radio and co-authored a book on great parliamentary scandals. He was formerly Chief Reporter on the Guardian and Labour Correspondent on the Daily Telegraph.

This article first appeared in the 10 April 2014 issue of the New Statesman, Tech Issue

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What happened when a couple accidentally recorded two hours of their life

The cassette tape threw Dan and Fiona into a terrible panic.

If the Transformers series of movies (Transformers; Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen; Transformers: Dark of the Moon; Transformers: Age of Extinction; and Transformers: the Last Knight) teach us anything, it is that you think your life is going along just fine but in a moment, with a single mistake or incident, it can be derailed and you never know from what direction the threat will come. Shia LaBeouf, for example, thinks everything is completely OK in his world – then he discovers his car is a shape-shifting alien.

I once knew a couple called Dan and Fiona who, on an evening in the early 1980s, accidentally recorded two hours of their life. Fiona was an English teacher (in fact we’d met at teacher-training college) and she wished to make a recording of a play that was being broadcast on Radio 4 about an anorexic teenager living on a council estate in Belfast. A lot of the dramas at that time were about anorexic teenagers living on council estates in Belfast, or something very similar – sometimes they had cancer.

Fiona planned to get her class to listen to the play and then they would have a discussion about its themes. In that pre-internet age when there was no iPlayer, the only practical way to hear something after the time it had been transmitted was to record the programme onto a cassette tape.

So Fiona got out their boom box (a portable Sony stereo player), loaded in a C120 tape, switched on the radio part of the machine, tuned it to Radio 4, pushed the record button when the play began, and fastidiously turned the tape over after 60 minutes.

But instead of pushing the button that would have taped the play, she had actually pushed the button that activated the built-in microphone, and the machine captured, not the radio drama, but the sound of 120 minutes of her and Dan’s home life, which consisted solely of: “Want a cup of tea?” “No thanks.” And a muffled fart while she was out of the room. That was all. That was it.

The two of them had, until that moment, thought their life together was perfectly happy, but the tape proved them conclusively wrong. No couple who spent their evenings in such torpidity could possibly be happy. Theirs was clearly a life of grinding tedium.

The evidence of the cassette tape threw Dan and Fiona into a terrible panic: the idea of spending any more of their evenings in such bored silence was intolerable. They feared they might have to split up. Except they didn’t want to.

But what could they do to make their lives more exciting? Should they begin conducting sordid affairs in sleazy nightclubs? Maybe they could take up arcane hobbies such as musketry, baking terrible cakes and entering them in competitions, or building models of Victorian prisons out of balsa wood? Might they become active in some kind of extremist politics?

All that sounded like a tremendous amount of effort. In the end they got themselves a cat and talked about that instead. 

This article first appeared in the 20 July 2017 issue of the New Statesman, The new world disorder