Dennis Skinner's best Queen's Speech jokes

"Royal Mail for sale. Queen's head privatised," the Labour MP declared today. We collect his most memorable bon mots from previous years.

Dennis Skinner's republican quips during the State Opening of Parliament have become part of our unwritten constitution. Today, as Black Rod summoned MPs to hear the monarch in the House of Lords (by tradition, the Queen cannot enter the Commons), he declared: "Royal Mail for sale. Queen's head privatised."

So, in tribute to the Beast of Bolsover's verbal agility, here's a selection of some his most memorable bon mots from previous years. 


Skinner quipped: "It tolls for thee, Maggie", a reference to Margaret Thatcher's imminent resignation as prime minister.


As pressure grew on the Queen to pay tax on her personal income, Skinner ordered Black Rod: "Tell her to pay her taxes."


Skinner cried: "New Labour, New Black Rod", an adaptation of the campaign slogan "New Labour, New Britain".


Skinner shouted, "Tell her to read the Guardian" after the newspaper launched a new campaign calling for Britain to become a republic.


Following a series of break-ins at Buckingham Palace, Skinner asked: "Did she lock the door behind her?"


In reference to the new film The Queen, Skinner asked Black Rod: "Have you got Helen Mirren on standby?"


After two protected hen harriers were shot dead on the royal family's Sandringham estate, Skinner remarked: "Who shot the harriers?" Prince Harry was questioned by the police but no charges were brought.


Skinner quipped: "Any Tory moles at the palace?", a reference to the recent arrest of the Tory MP Damian Green in connection with Home Office leaks.


As Black Rod arrived in the Commons, Skinner joked: "Royal expenses are on the way."


"Jubilee year, double dip recession, what a start," shouted Skinner, prompting cries of "shame!" from Tory MPs. 

Labour MP Dennis Skinner in full flow.

George Eaton is political editor of the New Statesman.

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It's Gary Lineker 1, the Sun 0

The football hero has found himself at the heart of a Twitter storm over the refugee children debate.

The Mole wonders what sort of topsy-turvy universe we now live in where Gary Lineker is suddenly being called a “political activist” by a Conservative MP? Our favourite big-eared football pundit has found himself in a war of words with the Sun newspaper after wading into the controversy over the age of the refugee children granted entry into Britain from Calais.

Pictures published earlier this week in the right-wing press prompted speculation over the migrants' “true age”, and a Tory MP even went as far as suggesting that these children should have their age verified by dental X-rays. All of which leaves your poor Mole with a deeply furrowed brow. But luckily the British Dental Association was on hand to condemn the idea as unethical, inaccurate and inappropriate. Phew. Thank God for dentists.

Back to old Big Ears, sorry, Saint Gary, who on Wednesday tweeted his outrage over the Murdoch-owned newspaper’s scaremongering coverage of the story. He smacked down the ex-English Defence League leader, Tommy Robinson, in a single tweet, calling him a “racist idiot”, and went on to defend his right to express his opinions freely on his feed.

The Sun hit back in traditional form, calling for Lineker to be ousted from his job as host of the BBC’s Match of the Day. The headline they chose? “Out on his ears”, of course, referring to the sporting hero’s most notable assets. In the article, the tabloid lays into Lineker, branding him a “leftie luvvie” and “jug-eared”. The article attacked him for describing those querying the age of the young migrants as “hideously racist” and suggested he had breached BBC guidelines on impartiality.

All of which has prompted calls for a boycott of the Sun and an outpouring of support for Lineker on Twitter. His fellow football hero Stan Collymore waded in, tweeting that he was on “Team Lineker”. Leading the charge against the Murdoch-owned title was the close ally of Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn and former Channel 4 News economics editor, Paul Mason, who tweeted:

Lineker, who is not accustomed to finding himself at the centre of such highly politicised arguments on social media, responded with typical good humour, saying he had received a bit of a “spanking”.

All of which leaves the Mole with renewed respect for Lineker and an uncharacteristic desire to watch this weekend’s Match of the Day to see if any trace of his new activist persona might surface.


I'm a mole, innit.