Are gender stereotypes boring?
Suggestions one sex is more intelligent, witty, sympathetic, moral or interesting than the other do
By Kira Cochrane Published 19 June 2008Anyone who is particularly fond of sweeping sexist generalisations (and really, who doesn't just love the suggestion that all women are shoe-obsessed chatterboxes, for instance, while all men are emotionally repressed sports nuts?) was in for a treat in the Daily Telegraph this past week.
Recently, the paper featured an article by Sabine Durrant, baldly headlined: "Are men boring?" A ramble through a heap of anecdotes, shot through with science, Durrant's article initially found that "a straw poll among friends and relations would suggest the contention is so irrefutable that evidence is barely necessary"; she then unpacked a slightly more balanced argument. This tonal shift wasn't enough to quell Neil Tweedie, who rebuked her in the paper the following day: "For your information, Sabine, men often find female conversation less than scintillating." All pretty nebulous and sniping, which was hardly surprising: implications that one sex is more intelligent, witty, sympathetic, moral or interesting than the other do tend to be objectionable.
The idea that the sexes are almost entirely different species has, of course, always been popular, often especially with those who prize traditional gender roles. If you want society to stick to an ancient order, it helps to assert that men and women each have their own place and quite separate characteristics, and that these are defined not simply by social structures and norms, but by biology. To take the example of power, to define it specifically as a male, testosterone-driven prerogative, as many have done, immediately makes any woman who seeks it (I'm thinking Margaret Thatcher, Hillary Clinton) into either a freak of nature or a faker - someone who is simply trying to ape the mannerisms of the opposite sex, to become a male, and who, on those terms, can only ever fail.
Those who cling to the idea that the most basic of male and female stereotypes hold true like to point to the science. Now, I've no doubt that there are scientists who are conducting very interesting, nuanced and subtle work on the differences between the male and female brains, but I'm equally sure that the subtleties of their work are often misrepresented.
Let's take the subject of talkativeness, for example. This is widely perceived as a woman's prerogative, proof of women's special empathy and emotional agility, and also of an annoying tendency to bang on when men are trying to eat their dinner. Durrant mentions in passing in her article that there is a "popular contention that in an average day a man utters 2,000 words, and a woman 7,000, which nobody seems to prove". She goes on to quote from a controversial book, The Female Brain (2006), by the US neuro psychiatrist Lou ann Brizendine, which contended that "connecting through talking activates the pleasure centres in a girl's brain".
In this book, Brizendine came up with a dif ferent statistic from Durrant's, though proportionally quite similar, stating that men speak on average 7,000 words a day, while women babble 20,000, numbers pounced on by the media, which proved unfortunate when Brizendine had to retract the figures, on the grounds that they came from an unreliable study.
Around the same time, extensive research was published which found that - surprise! - both men and women speak about 16,000 words a day. (Of the study's 396 participants, the three most verbose were men, one of whom spoke a massive 47,000 words a day.) Discussing the results of his study, the psychologist Matthias Mehl, of Arizona University, made the central point that gender stereotypes put "unfortunate constraints on [both] men and women".
And that's the truth of it. I've always hated the glib assertions, sometimes dressed up as loosely "feminist", that all men are intrinsically dull or feckless or emotionally constipated, because if I truly believed that, I would also have to believe that women are defined by a whole variety of irritating gender stereotypes - that we are all inherently nurturing handbag-lovers, for example, who spend hours pondering our hairstyles. Frankly, as world-views go, I can't think of anything more limiting. And, indeed, boring.
Kira Cochrane is women's editor of the Guardian
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8 comments
Kira: I agree with everything you say. We have enough of this stereotypes. People say it so often, you feel it is the truth. Obviously it isn't. That is good news. As a man, I can say that i when look at women, the first object is to see her as the opposite sex. I suppose that is not wrong. Like I looked at your pictures, first I said, she has a pretty face and charming smile. Then I read the topic. Yes, I was interested in both, so here I am, expressing my opinion. Other than that I think men and women should be treated equally.
I'm always on the look out for interesting and different women
Yes. Thank you.
Interesting.
MRA sites always get their share of feminist and mangina morons coming in to try to tell men how we should shut up and support feminism because it is only about equality and because women are survivors of a bazillion years of patriarchal oppression and they still can’t get paid like men and get raped 4 or 5 times a week and beaten by their husbands when they aren’t getting raped.
And sure enough since the site overhaul just three days ago, I have already had a couple of “you woman hating bastard” comments pop up in the admin. I promptly spammed them back into the intellectually deprived void from whence they came. As a supporter of free speech, that doesn’t sit that well with me.
A solution was needed.
I set up this dedicated page just for you, so that your opinions could be heard. It's an affirmative action program; a speshul place for the speshully challenged.
Whether you are an emasculated quasi-male sycophant looking to score points with feminists, or a female feminist looking to vent some rage at uppity men, you can let it rip here, because your comments won’t see the light of day anywhere else on this site.
But while I have you here, I want to make a suggestion that might help us all out in the long run. Before you post anything, even here, take this opportunity to actually learn what you are talking about. Read through all the articles and watch all the videos on this site. Then go visit the links section. It will lead you to a virtual Library of Congress of information on the concerns of men in modern culture.
If you set about this with a reasonably open mind, the results can be fantastic. For feminists, it can result in your using your brain, and for manginas it can do the same for your spine.
Maybe.
Here is the deal, though. Feminist ideology has been given an almost completely unchallenged venue in the world at large for at least 50 years. Feminist websites routinely ban opposing views and the mainstream media does the same. Most MRA websites, plenty disgusted with all this censorship, go the extra mile to ensure that it is not repeated in their own house.
I laud them, but don’t seek to emulate them.
This forum is predicated on the idea that the world lost something valuable when it started putting a PC gag on men who were not ashamed of themselves or their masculinity, and on the women who supported them. As a result, those men and women have become all but social pariah in a world where it is fashionable to hate them.
So here, the gag goes on you. You get this page, and this page only to say whatever you want.
If that is not enough, you can fuck off.
Seriously.
Every movement for social justice that has ever existed was predicated on the shared experiences, hopes and aspirations of its followers. And on the pain that bound them together.
It is no different with men. I was recently sent the following from an Italian blog. I knew the moment I finished reading it that it would find a home here and serve to guide all of my actions as an MRA. It is the most comprehensive and cogent expression of my values and beliefs as Men’s Rights Activist I have ever seen, and I believe it should be embraced by all good men and women who serve this noble cause.
My unending gratitude to the author.
PRINCIPLES AND GOALS: MENS MOVEMENT
(Translated from the Italian by R. Randazzo)
• PRINCIPLES: we recognize and affirm:
1. The existence of natural differences between the
genders.
2. The extreme immorality of certain social forces, and at
the same time, the very real opportunity that these forces
have to deny, ignore, compromise, and repress these
differences and any expression of them.
3. The necessity of cooperation between the genders, and
at the same time the inevitability of opposition between
them.
4. The scientific inconsistency and dubious morality of
any claim by one gender to describe the state, condition,
needs, experiences, or the value of the other gender.
• THE CURRENT STATE OF AFFAIRS
We define the current situation in the following terms:
1. For two generations masculinity and the male gender
have been subject to an all-out attack covering every
sphere, from the world of images and symbolism to that
of common everyday existence, applied systematically
and consistently in every manner and through all means
of communication and cultural diffusion.
2. The term male-bashing extends itself to aesthetics,
opposing their attainment by men which includes the
male body and men's physicality.
3. Every level and gradation within contemporary culture,
and every unit that elaborates on or transmits that culture,
without a single exception, is a tool of this program.
4. This phenomenon is the fundamental cause of
psychological/emotional harm in individuals and social
dysfunctions of an ever-increasing gravity, hindering the
entire male gender and in particular the younger
generations.
• THE VALUE OF FEMININITY
1. We reject any kind, however indirect, of denigration,
of offensiveness and devaluation, of the ethical, aesthetic,
and intellectual worth of the female gender; we repudiate
any diminution of the symbolic importance of the
feminine, and of the historical importance of female
endeavors visible and invisible, past present and future.
• WE PURSUE THE FOLLOWING OBJECTIVES:
1. The promotion of the essential value of masculinity,
specifically with regard to personal dignity and the
irreplaceable role of the masculine in the world of image
and symbol and of the male gender in every area of life,
spiritual and material, for the benefit of present and
future generations.
2. The identification and condemnation of any instance
of malebashing in every context, form, or style, and any
expression of malebashing, direct or indirect, open or
veiled.
3. The moral opposition to male-bashing—to the
denigration and demonization of men, the denigration of
male sentiments, attributes, opinions and needs, the
denigration of male contributions and comportment—in
the media, literature, the arts, political discourse,
historiography, scientific tracts, text-books, advertising,
and in every form of expression and means of
communication.
4. The restitution of the value and dignity—as well as the
historic role—of past generations of men, by means of
the deconstruction of feminist historiography.
5. The struggle against the cultural ideals of a Feminist
Society and its basic values— therefore against the following:
• The principle of the moral, aesthetic and
intellectual superiority of the female gender;
• The denial of the existence of anti-male
hatred;
• The criminalization both direct and indirect
of the male gender;
• The planned inhibition of the development
of male consciousness;
• The psychological and chemical emasculation
of the younger generations;
• The domestication and docility of men;
• The use of the male libido for purposes of
speculation,manipulation, intimidation and
blackmail;
• The demand for reparations, material and
moral, for the wrongs, real or imagined,
sustained by the female gender;
• State intrusion into adult sexual relations;
• The presumed permissibility of an autocratic
imposition of behavioral rules upon the male
gender;
• The principles of political correctness and
the imposition of its vocabulary.
Accusation Lands Her Behind Bars
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
By Paul Elam
February 24, 2010 (New York) In what some might call an event of poetic justice, Blurny Peguero Gonzalez has been sentenced to three years in prison for perjury related to a false allegation of rape she made against 33 year old William McCaffery in 2005.
McCaffery spent four years behind bars on the false allegation.
The court reported that Gonzales, the 27 year old mother of two young children, falsified the rape report because a group of friends she was with on the night in question were upset with her for leaving them to accept a ride with McCaffery. Apparently she made the allegation to assuage her friends anger.....
Now you young guys find the rest of this article here.
http://mensnewsdaily.com/newswax/2010/02/24/new-york-womans-false-accusa...
Anyhow going out today to handout MRA flyers to the young men (15 - 30) out at eastland.
I’m inclined to believe that women just don’t understand us men. Women just can’t seem to understand that the only time smart men are willing to sign on the dotted line is when they’re young and horny, when they have no real assets to lose and before they really understand the principles of wealth creation (ie. early 20s). By the time smart men have a degree or two, a 401k and IRA, a house and a 6 figure income (or at least when they’re closing in on it) they’re not so keen to just give it away for yet another woman.
Then when the smart men hit their 30’s and their sex drive drops (from being “yeah i’ll sign anything to get a bit” to “wait a minute, this means you get everything”); all of a sudden, life is under the control of the “big head” and women don’t seem perplexed by us. Many women can’t seem to understand why we don’t act like horny teenagers anymore and these women refuse to accept that they have lost their power over us.
Brothers, in a special posting for dumpyourwifenow.com, Christian J out of Australia writes and delivers a newsworthy article on the affect of Feminism on women. With his kind permission we proudly post.
Feminism’s Affect On Women by Christian J of What Men are saying about “Women”.
Once more my hat is off to you. You were right, again. Although, like most of my species, I will never fathom comprehension of the female mind – I have seen the dynamics that perpetuate the Feminist Movement. They are Petulance and Envy.One of my friends is married with 4 (yes, four!) children – 3 girls, 1 boy. The oldest girl will turn 16 soon, and the boy will be 15 on his next birthday. The phrase ‘Chalk and Cheese’ is one that springs instantly to mind. The girl is outgoing, gregarious, outwardly confident, doing well at school and socially adept. The boy is morose, withdrawn, not doing well academically, exhibiting all of the classic attention-seeking, alienated behavior patterns; and rumor tells me he is bullying younger children at school. I look around the household and wonder why the siblings should be so markedly different. The answer is of course, gender. The mechanism of this disparity is the one who loves them most – their mother.
Visiting one evening, the girl was discussing her exam options and, spurred on by her mother (”Don’t get married too early, darlin'!”), her plans for the future; her career, her house, her husband, her children – IN THAT ORDER! There seemed to be an almost maniacal glee in the mother as the girl outlined the next 20 years of her life, almost like a train timetable. It later dawned on me that the mother had been married in the mid-80’s, and had chosen the wife/mother option, owing to her lack of academic achievement and poor employment prospects locally. No surprise then that after 20 years of Feminist “you can have it all – all you have to do is go out and get it!” propaganda and brainwashing, punted out to her generation and beyond, that the mother is more than a little resentful of her current situation.
According to this mother, her husband is to blame for holding her back. The Feminist propaganda and brainwashing machine told her so. I wonder if that was what she considered as she trotted down the aisle to her future ‘hindrance’?
It became all too clear to me that, like many generations of men previously living out their thwarted sporting fantasies through their sons, that this mother was attempting to live out her “alternate life fantasies” through her daughter.
And, what of the future? For the boy; probably a life touched by delinquency, unless something happens fairly quickly to steer him away from that path. For the girl, following the current pattern, early success to further fuel her sense of entitlement; intelligent, outgoing, assertive, attractive twenty-something females (as if there’s a shortage of them!) have the world at their feet. Her easy tendency to lift her hands and fists, to anything male she takes umbrage with, bodes ill for boyfriends and spouses and any future children when “The Reality Crash” comes.
The Bridget Jones Future.
As she joins the ‘Bridget Jones Club’ in her late twenties and early thirties, and her biological clock deafens the neighborhood, her perfect man will still be what he always is, a Feminist illusion. So far, everything has fallen into her lap as the Feminist handbook predicted. The career is established and the house being paid for. Life is looking pretty good for the modern girl; she’s got it all!
Then one morning, she realizes that her looks are fading, the next generation of ‘bright, young-things’ are snapping at her heels and the ‘romantic opportunities’ she cast aside in favor of her career are not sitting around with their thumbs in a certain orifice and their brains in neutral; waiting for her to change her mind! Perhaps, the hard reality of the situation will impact quickly and she will understand that human relationships are worked hard for, and earned – not a god-given right. The likelihood is that the 20 to 30-odd years of Feminist brainwashing will remain intact. It will never be her fault!
“Where are all the good men?” she will whine, as she stamps her little footie. As time passes, her search for Mr. Perfect – that wonderful physically perfect, caring and loving, intelligent and wealthy specimen of manhood that will keep her and her children in the style she would like to become accustomed to – will transform into the desperate search for Mr. Breathing-In-And-Out. Those ‘recreational’ sexual encounters, that she was in control of in her twenties, will become the out-of-control nightmares of her thirties, and beyond – each rejection tearing deeper and deeper into her inflated self-esteem and generating greater and greater resentment towards men ‘who only wanted her for one thing!’
Thus, her resentments are likely to create a self-fulfilling prophecy for her future relationships. It goes like this: If men are only out to use me, then I will be suspicious of men until one of them proves to me otherwise. The men, at the prospect of being treated like criminals by this woman for simply existing, will either shy away from, or drop out of the relationship fairly quickly. Thus, further reinforcing her resentments – and the vicious circle gets tighter and tighter.
The so-called, and much touted, historical ‘oppression’ of women by men will be brought into sharper focus and her perceived sense of ‘victim hood’ further stimulated. Once again the Feminist propaganda and brainwashing machine will pander to her now well-established misandric prejudice; absolving her of responsibility for her situation – blame the guys why don’t you? She may even find herself a Feminist therapist to help her deal with her depression; again reinforcing her resentments, pandering to her prejudices with constant ego-boosts – telling her that she has low self-esteem and that ‘all feelings (and, therefore, all behaviors) are valid’ and that she is entitled to feel the way that she does!! This also justifies her previous, and now future, behavior of doing whatever she wanted with scant regard for the feelings of others.
All too soon the window of reproductive opportunity closes, leaving a bitter lonely, resentful, man-hating woman to face a childless – and hence biological family-less future. She may meet a man seeking only companionship, however, her resentments and self-inflicted disappointments combined with her energies diverting into her career are likely to put paid to this fairly swiftly.
She may meet a man who already has children. She is, however, unlikely to relish the role of unpaid babysitter (to interfere with her career) – and further add to her other resentments – the fact she has no children of her own. It probably won’t last long!
In the end she discovers that she cannot cheat ‘Mother Nature’.
The Single Mother Future Alternatively, she may meet her ‘wayward, bad-boy, gorgeous hunk’ in her twenties and commit that most ridiculous of female errors, that she can “change him through marriage!”. They’ll make a fairy-tale couple, and the marriage will be exactly how it began, a totally unrealistic fairytale. When reality finally bites, many years later, and she admits to herself that the handsome, immature, philandering jerk she married is still an immature, philandering, jerk – and she hot foots it to the divorce court – the damage is already done.
She now faces a future with her children growing up without a father – and all the emotional, social and physical safety risks associated with that. The courts will give her custody of the children and the family home – after all the wastrel husband didn’t pay for it! As for the maintenance payments ordered by the courts, well, if he’d had a job he’d be able to pay! Her looks will be starting to fade, and she won’t be getting any younger! She will be carrying a truck-load of emotional baggage to dump onto either her offspring and/or potential boyfriend/spouse. Her career, which she put on hold, or curtailed, for the children, has stagnated; people will have been promoted over her; and the prospects don’t look good. Her standard of living will probably fall further, owing to increased costs as the children grow, and her stress levels will multiply manifold as she becomes not only primary career for her children, but also sole breadwinner.
Once again the Feminist propaganda and brainwashing machine will spring into life to support her. Her husband was a jerk, but, no matter, all men are jerks – you and the children are better off without him! The Feminist support groups and therapists will give her the ‘all feelings are valid’ nonsense (you know the rest!); and her lack of career success is down to the “Glass Ceiling” – she is being discriminated against by the patriarchal system that oppresses women like her (hallelujah, sisters!) Once again, it’s not her fault! She now makes the decision that her children need a real father, and the ordinary guys that slaved through their twenties to build a career structure and financial stability, although not as attractive as her ex-husband, suddenly become targets for her attention. She is then completely gob smacked, and deeply wounded, when these men want absolutely nothing to do with her, except perhaps for some ‘recreational’ sexual adventure – after all, why should they slave their guts out to be the dumping ground for her emotional baggage and a piggy-bank for her surly, snot-nosed brats? Faced with rejection – really, for the first time in her life; her resentments against men begin to grow and fester, the relationship expectations become self-fulfilling prophecies; once again, you know the rest.
The Feminists are again on hand to support and absolve her of responsibility for her crappy life, and help her to pass her prejudices of misandry onto her daughters, and also alienate her sons from society. The damaged adult produces damaged children, who grow into damaged adults, to produce damaged children. Then again, it wasn’t her fault; after all she was cheated of her ‘well deserved’ future by the patriarchal conspiracy, and her wastrel husband – conveniently forgetting that no one forced her to marry him! In the end she ends up with the worst of both worlds, and some very damaged children!!
Editor’s note: A fellow brother at the Don’t Get Married Forum named anarchiste sums it up best: “I would say that the greatest achievement of feminism has been to uncover the true nature of the human female. What we see now is the real nature of those creatures. Not a pretty sight to see, but how much better off we are now with that knowledge. And we are much better equipped now than we have ever been to deal with them.”
Ref: http://www.dumpyourwifenow.com/2006/12/17/feminisms-affect-on-women/