Poem - Delia at MI5

Delia swears by her shayler;

It cracks any canful of worms;

In cybernet caffs it turns over the gaffes,

And scratches the surface for germs.

Delia claims that her shayler

(Although an elegant tool)

Will open a keg, and stir very good egg

In the loosest of gooseberry fool.

Christmas is near, reveals Delia,

And this much she's certain won't fail her:

To perk up a murky traditional turkey,

The secret is always a shayler.

This article first appeared in the 27 November 1998 issue of the New Statesman, How the left hijacked the family