Sun, Sand and Specs

<em>Tony Blair was named 2001 Spectacle and Sunglass Wearer of the Year</em>

I'm as blind as a battery gunner,

Can't read what it says on my cheques,

But they say that I look like a stunner

When I'm wearing these rose-tinted specs.

The glare in the East is unsparing;

The print is illegibly small.

But it helps if you know that you're wearing

The best bloody glasses of all.

I'll swear on Koran or on Bible

Where our dicky-bird bombers are aimed,

And it's cool when I'm eyeball-to-eyeball

To hear I've been perfectly framed.

The shapes in the mountains are ghostly;

When I look at each spirit, it fades.

Have a look at their spooks. Although, mostly,

Take note of my fabulous shades.

This article first appeared in the 12 November 2001 issue of the New Statesman, The New Statesman Essay - The Empire strikes back