This England

Moben Kitchens, based on an industrial estate just outside Manchester, added an umlaut, or two small dots, above the "o" in its logo.
Yesterday the Advertising Standards Authority ordered the firm to remove them from all its showrooms and brochures.
The watchdog ruled that customers could be misled into thinking that Moben was German, and therefore that its products were of a higher quality than if they were British. - Daily Mail (Stephen O'Loughlin)

The Camden Pest Control Department was asked to remove two wasps' nests from under my own and my neighbour's roofs.
Their man arrived this morning with all his gear, but said that Camden had forbidden him to climb ladders, as they cannot afford the insurance.
- Letter in the Camden New Journal (Ron Rubin)

£5 tokens for all winners. Entries should be on a postcard, please

This article first appeared in the 22 October 2001 issue of the New Statesman, A plan for the world