Kenbo Baggins

<em>First extracts from the film </em>The Lord of the Rings<em> were released. Ken Clarke's campaign

I have plenty of bland gamgee

under my broad belt. I wish to make

an ANNOUNCEMENT: we need to breed

a brand new party for Middle Earth.

Here is my pipeweed. Here is my beer

and also brandywine. I am red-cheeked,

bright-eyed, and appeal to the shires.

There are leathery soles beneath my big

boots, and I eat six meals a day. I told

Lady Gandalf to go. If we wish to defeat

the Orcs of New Mordor, then we need

a new ring of confidence. My precious.

I am a filthy hobbit, with mingus fingers.

There's bebop at Bag End, and rockets.

And what have I got in my pockets?

This article first appeared in the 09 July 2001 issue of the New Statesman, Just you wait until I grow up