<em>US suggestions at The Hague to allow the Americans to maintain high industrial emissions include

I'm a cow. I'll play my part

With the latest state of fart.

No bum steer, I'll not be airy,

Popping pills across the prairie.

I'm a sheep. My sphincter's hip:

When I eat grass, I won't let rip.

No more backside ammunition,

Now we've blocked the flock's emission.

I'm a pig. You will not find

Methane in my pink behind.

No more whiff or filthy smell. It's

Down to all these special pellets.

I'm American. I know

Just which way the wind won't blow.

My fundamental line is still

To turn each giant cheek at will.

This article first appeared in the 27 November 2000 issue of the New Statesman, The rise of stealthy wealth