Dirty Denmark

Queen:<em> He's fat, and scant of breath. Here, Hamlet, take my napkin, rub thy brows . . . </em>(V.

I am a very old krone,

cackling like crazy. I have saved

our bacon, our crackling,

our bread and butter.

I am Danish blue. We have had

kings and round crowns

longer than you. I myself

am made from pastry,

as tasty as tough bananas.

Now the biking Vikings

have beggared their ancient

neighbours. Mr Blair

will be the prince without Hamlet,

more honoured in breeches

than in observance. Let him

pound his fat fists! And sweat!

This article first appeared in the 09 October 2000 issue of the New Statesman, Schools that teach children to lie