A Russian, a Pole, an American and an Israeli are each asked by an interviewer: "Excuse me, what is your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
The Russian replies: "What's an 'opinion'?"
The Pole replies: "What's 'meat'?"
The American replies: "What's a 'shortage'?"
And the Israeli replies: "What's 'excuse me'?"
During an Israeli police recruitment test an applicant is asked: "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He replies: "Call for back-up."
An archaeologist phones the Israel Museum in Jerusalem: "I've just found a 3,000-year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure."
"Bring him in," replies the curator. "We'll check it out."
A week later the amazed curator calls back. "You were exactly right. How on earth did you know the cause of death?"
"Easy. He was holding a piece of paper that said '10,000 shekels on Goliath'."
At mealtime on an El Al flight an attendant asks a passenger: "Would you like dinner?"
"What are my choices?" he inquires.
"Yes or no," she replies.
Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us 40 years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil. Golda Meir