Robot Wars

<em>Replicas of the junk-built opponents in the TV series</em> Robot Wars<em> are to be sold as Chri

I'm a handy android. I am made

of mowers, false alarms, and the spin

cycles and tumblers in your kitchen

cabinet. Hello Anji.

I was created from a vacuum,

from the spare parts of a pop-up

toaster. Here I am! I've been at

your waste disposal.

Hello Anji. I am a fan,

a fax, a bit of a strimmer, a seedy

player, the mouthpiece of your

disconnected phone.

I can cook things up. Hello

Anji. I'm a flange, just what the

totter ordered. This is scrap.

1-2-3. Activate.

This article first appeared in the 24 July 2000 issue of the New Statesman, Miserable small-mindedness