This England

More than 200 staff at PC ServiceCall took 10,000 calls on Christmas Day and 65,000 throughout the week, including one from a man in a phone box who did not have a telephone at home, but wanted to know what he should plug his modem into. - Guardian (Peter Barnes)

Sir, A commercial aired on independent radio in the London area proclaims that it's Christmas every day at Legoland until 3 January, "except 25 December". - Letter in the Times (Francis Harvey)

Passengers waiting for a Gatwick Express train found a dead crocodile wrapped up on a platform.
The 3ft-long reptile was handed in to Customs, who are investigating . . . a flight from Egypt. They are waiting to speak to a man who later rang police from London, saying he had lost the crocodile, then asked officers to forward it on the next train. - Times (Derek Morgan)

A £5 book token for all entries printed above.
Entries on a postcard, please

This article first appeared in the 17 January 2000 issue of the New Statesman, The plot to keep us puffing