Apocalypse Never

<em>A meteor defence system is to be located in Belfast. Ian Paisley described David Trimble as tram

The skies were filled with comet

But Paisley met them head on;

He swallowed Heaven's vomit,

He swallowed Armageddon.

The Earth was hit by thunder -

All thought it would engulf her:

But Paisley ate the chunder

And smacked his lips on sulphur.

Cried Protestant proconsuls

"Our champion's unbeaten!

Those brimstone-toughened tonsils -

What asteroids they've eaten!"

He saved the system (solar) -

How do I know? - Be civil!

I am the bloody bowler

Through which he spouts his drivel.

This article first appeared in the 06 December 1999 issue of the New Statesman, My night with Mad Frankie Fraser