This England

Postmen are refusing to deliver mail to a veterinary surgeon because of two "dangerous" hydrangea plants in his garden.
A Royal Mail spokesman confirmed that it could not give a commitment to deliver mail to the Mansfield, Nottinghamshire, surgery because of health and safety issues. "The wet plants are obstructing the path and steps." - Times (Derek Morgan)

A goat carcass, a glass eye and a goldfish are among items left behind in hotels by guests.
Items stolen by guests include three vacuum cleaners, a stuffed otter, a stone pig, a piano and a 100-square-ft carpet. - Daily Mail (Ron Rubin)

45-year-old male, disappointed that the LRB won't be accepting fetish adverts, seeks like for consolation. - Classified ad in the London Review of Books (Francis Harvey)

A £5 book token for all entries printed above.
Entries on a postcard, please

This article first appeared in the 06 September 1999 issue of the New Statesman, The New Statesman Essay - Whatever happened to liberty?