This England

Fancy a day out in Southwold with the family and the dog? Forget it. Southwold's most recent by-law forbids dogs on its beaches between May and September. Another by-law of 1962 forbids the use of wirelesses and gramophones in any public place. I asked Southwold's town clerk to send a copy by fax of the area's by-laws, to which she replied, somewhat startled: "We don't have a fax, not in Southwold." A spokeswoman from Waveney District Council pointed out that the by-law under which most people are commonly prosecuted is urinating in a public place. "But I think that happens mainly in Lowestoft." - Guardian (Julian Petley)

After finishing a meal, what is one supposed to do with one's soiled napkin? - Letter to the "Modern Manners" column in the Times (Michael Rubinstein)

A £5 book token for all entries printed above.
Entries on a postcard, please

This article first appeared in the 12 July 1999 issue of the New Statesman, Were chimps the first socialists?