This England

We do not have institutional racism, but instinctive prejudice against the English [within] new Labour and its fellow travellers at the BBC. It is noteworthy that Donald Dewar is not rushing to impose on Scotland . . . the quotas (sorry, targets) being applied to the police . . . that Jack Straw is imposing on England.
What Mr Straw is doing is sensitising everyone to race, when he should be doing the opposite. The widespread racial harmony that exists here is clear for everyone to see in our streets. - Letter in the Daily Telegraph (Penelope Roberts)

Britain's biggest supermarket chain has asked fruit growers to supply smaller melons after research indicated that housewives subconsciously compared them to the size of their breasts - Daily Telegraph (Derek Morgan)

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This article first appeared in the 24 May 1999 issue of the New Statesman, Luvvies, stop moaning