Double Check

<em>The government wants to limit the power of

local councils. Chess, unlike darts, will be

a "s

We must be as clean as a whistle

As smooth as a Brietling balloon

Councillors must face dismissal

Till they dance to the spin-doctor's tune

New brooms, come out of the closet

To sweep our Fionas away

Brush up these nasty deposits

And fetch the deodorant spray

Bring us an elegant chessman

Lock up each dangerous dart

Don't let the nose of a pressman

Get wind of the wrong kind of fart

We're planning a new panacea

So our ethics are bang up to date

They're banning the beard in Ikea

And we don't want a one-party state

This article first appeared in the 26 March 1999 issue of the New Statesman, Eating people is wrong