At the door of the Beormund Hall, a party activist checks that I have signed a declaration not to allow the gender of the candidate "or any consideration that might favour one gender over another" to affect my judgement. Then the chairman, if I may use such a controversial expression, rules out any questions about financial means of support, religion, race, sex, homophobia, marital status, domestic status, party appointments or support from affiliated organisations. Welcome to the politically correct selection conference to choose Labour's parliamentary candidate for North Southwark and Bermondsey. This is a classic Labour inner-city constituency, except that it has been a safe Lib Dem seat, held by Simon Hughes since Peter Tatchell stood in 1983.
Two white women, one black man and one white man are the candidates. About 70 of roughly 350 local members have turned up. Before the war (world, not Iraq), the party boasted more than 3,000 members. Southwark-Bermondsey was a Labour heartland. But in 2001, Hughes polled almost twice as many votes as Kingsley Abrams, the first black Labour candidate in this racially mixed area.
Cathy Parry, a 40-year-old union membership officer, nominated by the TGWU and Amicus, the engineering union, is first off the block. Despite being against the invasion of Baghdad and party conference "chicanery" and being unapologetically for "traditionalism", she is backed by the arch-Blairite MP Sion Simon.
Martin Lindsay, the black contender, has the backing of the local party executive. A prospective candidate for the London Assembly, he makes an impressive speech, stressing his niceness, and clearly captivates the audience. Next is Kirsty McNeill, a Scot living locally and former president of the Oxford Union who is now a campaign manager in international development. In her manifesto, she boasts of being "central" to the "culture shift" that has turned the constituency party into a "dynamic and united machine". Hands held prayerfully during a rapid-fire speech, she is the very model of new Labour, gushing praise for Tony Blair as "a vote-winner who has headed the best government that this country has ever had".
I observe to my neighbour that she is the winner, and he nods agreement as the final contender, Pete Bowyer, a local councillor and PR agency director, confesses to being former spin-doctor to the sports "minister" Tom Pendry. Pendry was a shadow sports spokesman, actually, but the punters are in any case not in a mood for another Mandy.
The chairman announces that Ms "I live my Labour values day by day" McNeill is the candidate, but refuses to declare the votes. In the pub afterwards, I hear that Parry, for whom I voted, got nine and the men about the same apiece. Fifty, including some postal votes, went to Westminster-thirsty Kirsty. If she beats Hughes, I will eat the Treaty of Maastricht.