Target: Nine months

<em>League tables are proposed for maternity hospitals. Biotechnology can create spider silk using g

I'm strong as the silk of a spider

As tough as a nanny goat gruff

Let hospitals shiver if they don't deliver

Or kiddies aren't born big enough

I can cross you a matron and patron

Run red tape round umbilical cords

We'll count satisfaction with rates of contraction -

New babies, new labour, new wards

I've measured midwifery's midriff

Computerised uterine tracts

And I shall divulge you the right size of bulge

Where does water break fastest? The facts!

The measures and measurements taken

Will ensure that you're born pink and perky

I'll cross hospital hype with political tripe

If it fails, then we'll fly mums to Turkey