Jaw-dropping anecdotes, Muslim jokes and Murakami’s sexy ear

Regular readers will remember Paul McMullan, the safari-suited defender of the tabloid press who was memorably recorded by Hugh Grant spilling the beans about phone-hacking in an undercover exposé for this magazine. The former News of the World deputy features editor turned the Leveson inquiry into car-crash TV on 29 November, coming up with a series of almost unbelievable anecdotes and quotes. He said that "in a bizarre way, [he] felt slightly proud" that the name-and-shame anti-paedophile campaign caused a riot that led to a paediatrician's house being attacked - and that "privacy is for paedos", anyway. He revealed that he was at journalism college with Michael Gove; that he dressed as "Brad the teenage rent boy" to get a story about a spanking priest; that he used a Hell's Angel as a private investigator; and that phone-hacking was no big deal, because Monica on Friends listened to her ex-boyfriend's answerphone messages.

Casually noting how phone numbers were traded between journalists, he told the judge: "I swapped Sylvester Stallone's mother for David Beckham." Jackie Stallone is an ex-Celebrity Big Brother contestant who claims to be able to read your future in your buttocks. David Beckham is an internationally renowned superstar sportsman. I'd call it the best decision McMullan ever made, if it wasn't for the fact that, when he tried to hack Beckham's answering machine, the footballer foiled his plan by picking up the phone.

The oddest moment, against stiff competition, was when he claimed that the source of the story about Grant's baby was a letter sent to his pub by one of the actor's friends. "I reckoned the tip was so hot, I was going to build a new toilet suite based on this!" he exulted.

The news channels have stopped covering the inquiry with the intensity of the early days, when Grant and Steve Coogan - and the McCanns and the Dowlers - appeared there. That's a shame, because the past few days have been much more revealing. On 28 November, Charlotte Church gave measured, undefensive and damning evidence about the pressures that were heaped on her as a teenager in the public eye, including a tasteful countdown to the date it was legal to have sex with her.

Having only experienced Church as the "voice of an angel" turned "hard-drinking ladette" of the tabloids, I was astonished by the sensible, intelligent woman who appeared in front of the inquiry. Sienna Miller - an actress I'm not sure I've ever seen act but whose love life and outfit choices I could recount to you in detail - was also impressive in acknowledging that what happened to her was distressing but in no way equivalent to the suffering of parents of murdered children.

The inquiry has been a depressing experience, although listening to the Guardian's Nick Davies - the man who exposed the hacking scandal - did give me some hope for my trade.

After hearing all of this, it seems probable that Lord Leveson will conclude that regulation of the press by the PCC has failed. But he is unlikely to be able to address the elephant in the room, although McMullan did towards the end of his extraordinary evidence: "Sometimes, I wouldn't have bought the News of the World even though I worked for it. But the British public did."

Relative values

One of the most common complaints levelled against lefty comedians is that they don't make jokes about really sensitive issues and instead stick to cheap shots about powerless minorities such as Christians and Etonians and the Queen. "It is hard to imagine Jimmy Carr or any of his cohorts making a joke about Muhammad," wrote Jan Moir in the Daily Mail on 25 November.

With pleasing synchronicity, I went to see Stewart Lee's stand-up set the same week, in which he tackles this idea head-on. (Incidentally, the pair have clashed before: Moir accused him of being part of a "cabal of foul-mouthed left-wing comics" in contrast to the blameless Michael McIntyre; Lee called her the Mail's "chief rage-monger".)

In the course of a clever but uneven set, Lee suggests that the real reason why comics like him don't joke about Islam is because they know very little about it and comedy relies on a shared cultural knowledge between performer and audience.
Nonetheless, Lee tries a typically twisting, self-parodying "Muslim joke" nonetheless - in the hope, he says, of a reviewer describing him as an "Islamophobic Michael McIntyre" or "the Sarah Millican of cultural relativism". Which I suppose I have done here. Hope he's pleased.

Rude v prude

Anyone offended by bad language - and even worse prose - look away now. The Literary Review has published the shortlist for its annual Bad Sex in Fiction Awards and there are some absolute stinkers on the list. The venerable Haruki Murakami's 1Q84 offers my favourite passage (sorry, it's impossible to write about these awards without becoming painfully conscious of stray innuendoes in your own writing). Prepare yourself: "A freshly made ear and a freshly made vagina look very much alike, Tengo thought. Both appeared to be turned outward, trying to listen closely to something - something like a distant bell." Freshly made?

Still, there's a point to all this sniggering behind the hand, as the Review's senior editor Jonathan Beckman pointed out in the Financial Times: "Prudishness lies at the heart of poor sex writing . . . Good sex writing, by contrast, is clear, precise and unillusioned."

Or, to put it another way, if you can't construct a decent sentence about this fundamental human experience, why should the reader trust you on anything else?

Helen Lewis is deputy editor of the New Statesman. She has presented BBC Radio 4’s Week in Westminster and is a regular panellist on BBC1’s Sunday Politics.

This article first appeared in the 05 December 2011 issue of the New Statesman, The death spiral

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The continuity between Ed Miliband and Jeremy Corbyn

The left say that the former leader created crucial intellectual and political space for them.

One of the errors in the leaked list ranking Labour MPs by favourability to Jeremy Corbyn was the inclusion of Ed Miliband in the "negative" category. Most in the party believe the former leader is better described as sympathetic to his successor. In recent interviews he has defended his leadership more robustly than many shadow cabinet members and has offered him private advice.

Last year I reported on speculation that Miliband could return to the shadow cabinet (a rumour heard again this week). Those close to the former leader continue to dismiss the possibility but he will appear with Corbyn today at a pro-EU climate change rally in Doncaster - the first time the pair have shared a platform. "Ed's more engaged than he's been for a long time," a friend told me.

Though Miliband did not vote for Corbyn in last year's leadership election (sources say he backed Andy Burnham), there is notable continuity between their political projects. In interviews with me, shadow chancellor John McDonnell and Momentum chair Jon Lansman have spoken of how the former leader created crucial intellectual and political space for the left. Those on the party's right make the same point - if rather less positively. A former shadow cabinet member told me that "the left of the party was indulged for five years and wasn't challenged".

It was under Miliband that Labour first identified as an "anti-austerity" party, with the then leader addressing a 2011 anti-cuts march. Though this stance was later abandoned, as emphasis was put on the need for public spending reductions (with room left to borrow for investment), it provided Corbyn with an opening to exploit.

It was also Miliband who denounced the Iraq war and promised a new approach to foreign policy, declaring in his 2010 conference speech: "Our alliance with America is incredibly important to us but we must always remember that our values must shape the alliances that we form and any military action that we take." His refusal to support the government's proposed intervention in Syria in 2013 was hailed by him as preventing a "rush to war". By promising "a different kind of foreign policy - based on a new and more independent relationship with the rest of the world", and opposing all recent military actions, Corbyn has travelled further down a road taken by Miliband. 

The Labour leader's promise to give greater power to party members similarly follows Miliband's decision to give them the ultimate say over the leadership (the system that enabled Corbyn's victory). Rail renationalisation, limits on media ownership and opposition to privatisation were also stances either fully or partly embraced between 2010 and 2015. 

Many of those who voted for Corbyn backed Miliband in 2010 or joined after being attracted by his radical moments. For them, Corbyn, the only candidate to position himself to Miliband's left from the outset of the contest, was his natural successor. It was these left-leaning members, not Trotskyist entryists, who enabled his landslide victory. 

The continuity extends to personnel as well as policy. Simon Fletcher, Corbyn's director of campaigns and planning (formerly chief of staff), was Miliband's trade union liaison officer, while Jon Trickett, the shadow communities secretary (and key Corbyn ally), was a senior adviser. If Miliband is more open to the Labour leader's project than many other MPs, it may be because he recognises how much it has in common with his own.

George Eaton is political editor of the New Statesman.