Deep south

Michael Hodges talks to the songwriter Paul Heaton about pop and politics

Shortly after the coalition took power, Billy Bragg picked up his telephone. "Billy," said a sparky, Hull-tinged voice, "we're back in business. We'll start shifting records again."

“Wotcha mean?" replied Bragg. "Wotcha mean?" Paul Heaton laughs at the recollection. "Billy didn't really see it that way, but I think it may be time to rally the troops again."

As the moving force of first the Housemartins and then the Beautiful South, Heaton, now 48, has been rallying the troops since 1983. Although he is a well-known socialist - or one of "the people of good nature and heart", as he puts it - the immensely popular songs he and David Rotheray wrote for the Beautiful South were not calls to arms, but acute, often wistful evocations of the lives of the people who suffer when the right takes power. In effect, Heaton soundtracked the late Thatcher and Major years, selling 6.5 million records as he did so.

So Heaton has done well under Tory governments, hence the joking call to Bragg. But as he releases Acid Country, a solo album that calls at one point for "a war on greed and not a war on poverty", he senses little taste for dissent or even comment among his peers in the music industry today. "Sometimes you meet people and you think, 'Oh, they're exciting and they're quite nice to me, they're funny.' And then you look at their lyrics. I only went to state school but you just think, 'Well, they didn't even go to school at all.' The problem is that the whole culture that exists on radio, on television - any media - is: 'Don't say anything live on the show; you've just got to make sure you don't say the wrong thing.'

“I went on The Wright Stuff recently and I said what I wanted, and Matthew Wright was chuckling about how outrageous I was. Fifteen years ago it was absolutely commonplace to hear someone like myself on a programme like that. Now the culture in pop music and the culture in politics are very similar - keep your head down. I think that dates back to Red Wedge."

Red Wedge, a pressure group/rock revue show formed in 1985 and fronted by Bragg, Paul Weller and Jimmy Somerville, was supposed to politicise the nation's young music fans and take Neil Kinnock out of Tracey Ullman videos and into Downing Street. Lacking the active participation of Wham or Queen, it pointed instead to electoral defeat in 1987 and a further decade of Tory government.

But Heaton wasn't part of it. "When I first talked to Red Wedge, they wouldn't agree to argue for a nationalised music industry, so I walked straight out. You can't go posturing, saying we should keep this nationalised, we should nationalise this, if you think your own industry is above that. I am one of the few people who believe in nationalising the music industry. I think it would be a fantastic thing." He's not joking. He has also talked to Rotheray about the possibility of nationalising the Beautiful South's astonishing back catalogue, but "unfortunately we have a government that won't be interested in that".

Similarly, Heaton refutes the suggestion that, having had so many hits, he must be immensely wealthy. "I've run everything that I do as a co-operative since 1986. I've stayed in the country; I've paid maximum taxes when, you know, Sting, Bono, Geldof, Costello, all them . . ." The names hang heavily in the air for a second before Heaton softens slightly. "I think what happened with someone like Bono is he listened to financial advisers, and the next thing he wasn't even paying Irish tax and he was moving his money abroad to Holland. I've never had any financial advisers. Banks have occasionally said, 'Look, you're stupid,' but I've always said I'm not investing my money in anything other than government bonds."

Unlike Bono, Heaton's social activism has been community-focused and targeted. He toured the UK by bike this year, playing pubs in an effort to get people to use their locals, but he holds no illusions. "You've got to be careful with smaller issues like that. Because at the end of the day they'll eventually concede on gay rights or on keeping the pubs open; they can easily invent a subcommittee for anything we throw at them. But they won't give in on the banks, they will never let go of capitalism."

Yet isn't pop music simply the entertainment arm of capitalism, keeping the workers singing along? "I'm not sure if my lyrics would fit into that. They're maybe a bit too angry; I'm not trying to make people sing along. I'd rather my next album - though I'm not sure there is a record company that would do this - came with kit instructions for a bomb. At least then you know what to do when it gets really bad."

“Acid Country" is on the Proper Records label

Michael Hodges writes the Class Monitor column for the New Statesman. He was named columnist of the year at the 2008 Magazine Design and Journalism Awards for his contributions to Time Out.
Show Hide image

Cake or Death: why The Great British Bake Off is the best thing on television

Those who are complaining that the show has “caved in to political correctness” have missed the point.

The Cake is a Lie. That’s what viewers of the Great British Bake Off, now in its fifth season, are complaining about in the run-up to this week’s final. Out of thousands of amateur bakers who applied, three have made it through the gruelling rounds of Mary Berry’s disapproving pucker and faced down blue-eyed Cake Fascist Paul Hollywood’s demands without a single underbaked layer or soggy bottom in sight - and two of them aren’t white. The subsequent crypto-racist whining from PC-gone-madattrons in the press - one paper suggested that perhaps poor Flora, who was sent home last week, should have baked a "chocolate mosque" - runs against the whole spirit of Bake Off.

The charge is that the competition is not merit-based, and the entire basis for this complaint seems to be that two out of the finalists are of Asian origin - which makes total sense, because everyone knows that white people are better than everyone else at everything, including baking, so obviously it’s political correctness gone mad. The fact that last week Nadiya Hussain, a homemaker from Luton who happens to wear a hijab, baked an entire fucking peacock out of chocolate biscuits had nothing to do with it.

For those of you who mysteriously have better things to do with your time than watch 12 British people prat about in a tent, let me tell you why all of this matters. The best way to explain what's so great about The Great British Bake Off is to compare it to how they do these things across the pond. In America, they have a show called Cupcake Wars, which I gamely tuned into last year whilst living abroad and missing my fix of Sue Perkins getting overexcited about Tart Week. 

Big mistake. Cupcake Wars is nothing at all like Bake Off. Cupcake Wars is a post-Fordian nightmare of overproduction and backstabbing filmed under pounding lights to a sugary version of the Jaws soundtrack. Contestants mutter and scheme over giant vats of violent orange frosting about how they're going to destroy the competition, and they all need the prize money because without it their small cupcake businesses might fold and their children will probably be fed to Donald Trump. Every week a different celebrity guest picks one winner to produce a thousand cupcakes - a thousand cupcakes! - for some fancy party or other, and it’s all just excessive and cutthroat and cruel. Cupcake Wars is Cake Or Death.

Bake Off is quite different. Bake Off is not about the money, or even really about the winning. Bake Off is a magical world of bunting and scones and dapper lesbian comedians making ridiculous puns about buns and gentle, worried people getting in a flap about pastry. There are very few hysterics. Legend has it that if anybody has a real breakdown in the middle of a signature bake, presenters Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins stand next to them repeating brand names and swear-words so the cameramen can’t use the footage, and don’t you dare disabuse me of that fact, because I want it to be true. The prize money, in a desperately British way, is almost never mentioned, nobody tries to sabotage anyone else’s puff pastry, and at the end whoever has to leave gives a brave little interview about how it’s a shame but they tried their best and they were just happy to be there and they’re definitely going to do some more baking almost as soon as they get home. 

Bake Off is the theatre of the humdrum, where fussy, nervous people get to be heroes, making macarons as the seas rise and the planet boils and the leaders of the world don't care that they've left the oven on. I’m always a little bit frightened by people who can bake, because I can’t even make a muffin out of a packet, although one danger of watching too much Bake Off is that you become convinced you ought to give it another try, and I apologise to my housemates for making them eat my savoury vegan chilli-chocolate cookies (don’t ask). They say that if you can bake a cake, you can make a bomb, and by that logic I should definitely be kept away from the explosives when the zombie revolution comes- but the Bake Off contestants are probably the sort of people who will be Britain’s last line of defence, quietly constructing landmines and apologising that the stitching on the flag of insurrection isn’t quite perfect. People with this specific and terrifying personality type are that are precisely the reason Britain once had an empire, as well as the reason we’re now rather embarrassed about it. 

For now, though, Bake Off is a gentle human drama about all the best bits of Britishness- and diversity is part of that. In fact, this isn’t even the first time that two out of three finalists have not been white - that was two years ago. But something seems to have changed in British society at large, such that the same scenario is now more enraging to the kind of people who get their jollies from spoiling everything lovely and gentle in this world with casual bigotry - they know who they are, and may their Victoria sponges never rise and all their flatbreads turn out disappointingly chewy.

Britain is getting harder and meaner, and even Bake Off is not immune. In the first season, it was more than enough to bake a half decent brioche. This season an affable fireman got sent home because the grass on his miniature edible Victorian tennis court was not the right shade of green, and I’m not even joking. In one of the challenges the bakers had to produce an arcane french dessert that looked like the turds of a robot angel, and most of them actually managed it. The music is getting more dramatic, the close-up shots of flaky chocolate pastry and oozing pie-lids more reminiscent of 1970s pornography. It’s all a bit much.

The human drama, though, is as perfectly baked as ever. Lovely Flora, the baby of the bunch who missed out on a spot in the final because her chocolate carousel centrepiece was slightly wonky, was actually one of my favourites because she's so deliciously millennial, with her pussy-bow collars and obsessive, Type-A attention to detail. Paul the Prison Officer was a delight, mainly because he looked so much like Paul Hollywood- cue six weeks of two enormous men called Paul having bro-offs over bread, nodding and trading gruff, dudely handshakes over the specific crunchiness of biscotti. One week, Prison Officer Paul produced a giant dough sculpture of a lion's head and Judge Paul gave him a special prize and then they probably went off into a gingerbread sweat lodge together and it was the manliest moment ever in Bake Off history.

This is what Bake Off is about, and that’s why the people who are complaining that something other than merit might have been involved in selecting the finalists have missed the point entirely. The point of Bake Off is not to determine the best amateur baker in the land. That's just the excuse for Bake Off. Even the gentlest TV show needs a vague narrative structure, and otherwise there'd be no tension when someone's blancmange collapses in a heap of eggy foam and broken dreams. But in the end, when all's said and done, it's just cake. If your ornamental biscuit windmill has a soggy bottom, well, nobody died, and you can probably still eat the pieces on your way home to have a cup of tea and a little cry. 

That's the point of Bake Off. None of it really matters, and yet it consistently made me smile during a long, weary summer of geopolitical doomwrangling when absolutely everything else on television was unremitting misery. I hope Nadiya wins, because she’s an adorable dork and I love her and she gets so worried about everything and I want nothing remotely distressing to happen to her, ever; I expect Tamal Ray, the gay doctor whose meat pie had me drooling, is the best baker overall, but I can’t be objective there, because I keep getting distracted by his lovely smile. Ian Cumming, the last white person in the tent (apart from both of the presenters and both of the judges) is a little bit dull, which is a problem, because of all the delicious treats produced on the show, Ian's are the ones I would probably eat the most. I want his tarragon cheesecake in my face immediately. I would just rather have a conversation with Nadiya while I'm doing it.

But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter! And that’s the utter, unremitting joy of Bake Off. It’s possibly the last show on earth where in the end, it doesn’t matter who wins, as long as everyone gave it their best shot and had a laugh over a disastrous scrambled-egg chocolate tart or two, because ultimately, it’s just cake. And that’s marvellous. Now let’s all have a nice fat slice of perspective and calm down.


Now listen to a discussion of the Bake Off on the NS pop culture podcast:

Laurie Penny is a contributing editor to the New Statesman. She is the author of five books, most recently Unspeakable Things.