So… Why does the Daily Express hate the EU?

The <em>Daily Express</em> doesn’t like The EU.

Yesterday, the paper contained this story: "EU attempts to brainwash children with ‘sinister Soviet-style propaganda'."

It makes you wonder, what other reasons does the the Daily Express hate the European Union?

Oh, let me count the ways. 

Here is a list of the all the reasons why the Daily Express hasn’t liked the EU in the last two years.

All of these are headlines from their front page alone.

The Daily Express doesn’t like the EU because…

…it includes Germany
GERMANS PLOT TO CONTROL ALL OF EUROPE (21st Jun 2012)
WE MUST STOP GERMANY NOW (8th Jun 2012)

… they are betraying us
SCANDAL OVER EU BETRAYAL (25th Oct 2011)

… they might start a war
GERMANY WARNS OF WAR IN EUROPE (27th Oct 2011)

… they like to increase the price of things
EU FORCE NEW RISE IN PRICE OF PETROL (28th May 2012)
MORTGAGES TO SOAR IN EURO CRISIS (22nd May 2012)
EU WANTS TO PUT UP YOUR MORTGAGE (24th Jan 2012)

… they will raise our taxes
FURY AT NEW EU TAX ON BRITAIN (5th Jan 2012)
NEW EU TAX RAID ON BRITAIN (30th May 2011)
NEW EU TAX BOMBSHELL (8th Apr 2011)

… they ruin our holidays
NEW TAX SLAPS £450 ON FAMILY HOLIDAY – EU MEDDLING BLAMED FOR RISE (30th Dec 2011)

… they like our prisoners
PRISONERS TO BE GIVEN THE VOTE – FURY AT NEW RULING FROM MEDDLING EURO JUDGES (23rd May 2012)

… they like migrants
BATTLE TO KEEP OUT EU MIGRANTS (5th Mar 2013)
EURO COURT DROPS BRITAIN IN IT AGAIN – ASYLUM SEEKERS CAN STAY (22nd Dec 2011)

… we don’t like their migrants
79% SAY WE MUST BAN EU MIGRANTS (30th Jan 2013)

… they will make their migrants take all our benefits
MIGRANTS MUST GET BENEFITS, ORDERS EU (13th Oct 2012)
GO TO BRITAIN FOR BENEFITS SAYS EU (14th May 2012)

… they will also make migrants take all our jobs
EU WANTS MIGRANTS TO TAKE OUR JOBS (15th Nov 2012)
MIGRANTS RUSH TO GET OUR JOBS (31st Oct 2012)
WORKERS ARE BEING FIRED FOR BEING BRITISH (14th Oct 2011)
EU CHEATS US OUT OF JOBS (9th Jul 2011)

The EU are also ruining our economy…
£100BN WIPED OFF OUR SHARES (21st Jun 2011)

… they are taking over our banks
EU PLOT TO TAKE OVER OUR BANKS (13th Jun 2012)

… they are taking over our courts
EU PLOT TO TAKE OVER OUR COURTS (11th Jan 2013)

… they are increasing the price of our food
NEW EU PLOT TO TAX OUR FOOD (14th Apr 2011)

… they are ruining our pensions
NEW EU TAX WILL HAMMER PENSIONS (15th Feb 2013)
EURO RULES RUIN PENSIONS (1st Aug 2012)
EURO CHAOS TO WRECK PENSIONS (24th Jul 2012)
EUROPE TO RUIN BRITISH PENSIONS (24th Apr 2012)
NEW EU RULE WRECKS PENSIONS (15th Mar 2012)
EU RAID ON OUR PENSIONS (1st Oct 2011)
EU MIGRANTS TO GET BRITISH PENSIONS (13th Jul 2011)
NEW EU RULE TO WRECK PENSIONS (26th Apr 2011)
NEW EU LAW RIPS US ALL OFF (2nd Mar 2011)
MADNESS OF EU PENSION RULING (28th Feb 2011)
NEW EU LAWS TO HAMMER PENSIONS (31st Jan 2011)

… they will slash our house prices
EU RULES TO SLASH HOUSE PRICES (12th Nov 2011)

… they hate the British £
GERMANS DECLARE WAR ON OUR £ (19th Nov 2011)
FURY AS THE £ IS BANNED (3rd Sep 2011)

… they are fining us
NOW EU FINES BRITAIN £250,000 EACH DAY (25th Jan 2013)

… they will take VAT on our new houses
NOW THE EU WANTS 20% VAT ON NEW HOUSING (3rd Nov 2012)

… our economy is too good for them
BRITAIN’S ECONOMY TOO GOOD FOR EU (27th Oct 2012)

… and their economy is tanking
DEATH OF THE EURO (17th May 2012)
THE EURO – IMF SAYS IT COULD COLLAPSE (18th Apr 2012)
DEATH OF THE EURO (11th Nov 2011)

You are also paying for it…
OUTRAGE AS EU BILL TO SOAR BY £1.5 MILLION (7th Dec 2012)
ANGER AT BRITAIN’S £37M A DAY EU BILL (30th Oct 2012)
YOU PAY £6,000 A YEAR TO BE IN EU (15th Sep 2012)
NOW YOU PAY £750 A YEAR TO BE IN THE EU (25th Jul 2012)
YOU PAY £500 TO RESCUE GREECE (22nd Feb 2012)
WE MUST PAY £30BN TO BAIL OUT THE EURO (15th Dec 2011)
FURY OVER BRITAIN’S £50M A DAY EURO BILL (24th Nov 2011)
NOW WE ALL HAVE TO PAY £1400 (5th Nov 2011)
£15BN SCANDAL AS GREEKS BEG AGAIN (9th May 2011)
YOU PAY £400 FOR NEW EU BAILOUT (25th Mar 2011)

… and they are crap with the money we give them
CROOKED EU WASTED £89BN IN ONE YEAR (7th Nov 2012)

… they keep insulting us
EU MAKES FOOLS OF BRITAIN AGAIN (21st Nov 2012)

… they lecture us on human rights
CAMERON: WHY EUROPE MUST STOP BULLYING BRITAIN OVER HUMAN RIGHTS (26th Jan 2012)

… they are killing our pets
TEST DRUGS ON PETS SAYS EU (19th Jun 2011)

… they will kill off the entire country
EU PLOT TO SCRAP BRITAIN (4th May 2012)
EU WANTS TO MERGE UK WITH FRANCE (2nd May 2011)

… they brainwash our children
EU BRAINWASH OUR CHILDREN (18th Jan 2012)

… they are seeking revenge
SECRET EU PLOT TO STITCH UP BRITAIN (20th Nov 2011)
EU PLOTS REVENGE AGAINST BRITAIN (13th Dec 2011)

… they are corrupt
PLOT TO ‘RIG’ YOUR EU VOTE (21st Mar 2011)

… they hate our water
EU SAYS WATER IS NOT HEALTHY (18th Nov 2011)

… you pay for their cosmetic surgery
SCANDAL OF EU MEDICAL PERKS – TAXPAYERS PAY £3M BILL FOR MEP’S COSMETIC SURGERY (7th Mar 2011)

… we export more than them
PROOF WE DON’T NEED TO BE IN EU – BRITAIN NOW EXPORTS MORE (19th Jul 2012)

… they make us use their flag
BRITISH TEAMS FORCED TO WEAR EU FLAGS (14th Jul 2012)

… they never work
EU MADNESS – DIPLOMATS GET 24 WEEKS OFF EVERY YEAR (29th Mar 2012)

… and when they do work they want lots of money
GREEDY EURO MPS DEMAND PAY RISE (17th Feb 2012)
NOW EU DEMANDS MORE OF YOUR MONEY (13th Sep 2012)

… and they don’t like plastic bags
EU BANS PLASTIC BAGS (26th Mar 2012)
DAFT EU WANT ALL SHOPPING BAGS MADE ILLEGAL (19th Jan 2012)
BAN SHOPPING BAGS SAYS EU (20th May 2011)

But we are fighting back…
SPEND EU CASH ON OLD AGE CARE – SAY SENIOR TORIES (4th Jan 2013)

The Daily Express thinks that we want to leave…
56% WANT US OUT OF EU (28th Jan 2013)
GIVE BRITAIN AN EU REFERENDUM (17th Jan 2013)
NOW 56% OF VOTERS WANT TO QUIT EU (19th Nov 2012)
BRITAIN STANDS UP TO BULLYING GERMANS OVER EU BUDGET ROW (23rd Oct 2012)
NOW EU DEMANDS REFERENDUM (26th Jun 2012)
NOW 80% DEMAND VOTE TO QUIT EU (12th Jun 2012)
GERMANS BEG US TO STAY IN THE EU (20th Dec 2011)
VICTORY IN NEW FIGHT TO QUIT EURO (26th Nov 2011)
THE GREAT EU REVOLT (24th Oct 2011)
75% SAY: ‘QUIT THE EU NOW’ (22nd Oct 2011)
VICTORY IN BID FOR EU VOTE (17th Oct 2011)
VICTORY IN BID TO QUIT EU (3rd Oct 2011)
EUROPE: MASSIVE DEMANDS TO VOTE (1st Aug 2011)
373,000 SAY NO TO THE EU (1st Feb 2011)

…And apparently we will soon get to leave!
BRITAIN WILL GET EU REFERNDUM (23rd Jan 2013)
WHY THIS FRIDAY IS D-DAY FOR REFERENDUM (15th Jan 2013)
CAMERON: I CAN IMAGINE BRITAIN LEAVING THE EU (18th Dec 2012)
END OF EU IS UNSTOPPABLE (11th Dec 2011)
TOP TORY HINTS AT EU VOTE SOON (5th Nov 2012)
BRITAIN WILL GET EU VOTE (10th Oct 2012)
BRITAIN’S FIRST STEP TO EU EXIT (16th Oct 2012)
NEW PUSH FOR VOTE TO EU EXIT (17th Sep 2012)
GIVE US THE VOTE TO LEAVE THE EU NOW (2nd Jul 2012)
EU VOTE A STEP CLOSER (1st Jun 2012)
BRITAIN SNUBS EU BAILOUT (8th May 2012)
BRITAIN CLOSE TO EU EXIT (10th Dec 2011)
BRITAIN TOLD ‘YOU CAN QUIT EU’ (15th Jul 2011)
NEW HOPE TO GET OUR OF EU (15th Mar 2011)
NEW CHANCE TO FORCE EU VOTE (30th Jul 2011)
GET BRITAIN OUT OF EU NOW (3rd Mar 2011)
BRITAIN IN THE EU: THIS MUST BE THE END (11th Feb 2011)

Oh… and they want us to leave as well.
NOW EVEN THE EU WANTS US TO LEAVE (10th Nov 2012)

So does the Daily Express like the European Union?

No. They don’t.

I’ve also written about the Daily Express and their obsession about the weather, which you can read about here and the year 2011 through the eyes if the Daily Star.

This post first appeared on Scott Bryan's blog and is crossposted with his permission. You can find Scott on Twitter as @scottygb.

Photo: Getty
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The New Statesman 2016 local and devolved elections liveblog

Results and analysis from elections across the United Kingdom. 

Welcome to the New Statesman's elections liveblog. Results will be coming in from the devolved legislatures in Scotland and Wales, local elections in England, and the mayoral contests in London, Salford, Bristol and Liverpool. Hit refresh for updates!

02:11: Oh me, oh my. Labour have won Edinburgh Southern from the SNP. 

02:10: Three more marginals that look good for Labour: RochdaleSouthampton, and Crawley. The Liberal Democrats have made seven gains in Hull - a net gain of two. 

02:06: For those of you just joining us: in Scotland, the SNP are on course for a majority, while Labour and the Tories are in a close-fought battle for second place. In Wales, Labour remains short of an overall majority but will return to government. In England, Labour's vote is falling on 2012 but the party is making good holds in marginals declared so far. 

02:01: The SNP hold Hamilton and Larkhalll as expected - but no change in their vote. A five per cent swing from Labour to SNP but crucially what looks to me to be a swing from Labour to the Conservatives of eight percent. It's anyone's game in the battle for second-place. 

01:57: That point I made earlier about a Livingstone effect in Bury. Labour are increasingly certain they are, as one source puts it, "fucked" in Prestwich, and they look likely to go from first place to third in Eastwood, which holds around two thirds of Scotland's Jewish population. Greater Manchester and Eastwood are the only places outside London where the Jewish vote is concentrated enough to do big damage to Labour tonight, though there are a few wards in Leeds (not up to tonight) where things could also get dicey. But it will add to the jitters around some in London, already spooked by low turnout.

01:54: Labour retain control of Hastings. In Wales, Labour are confident of holding Llaneli, a marginal they and Plaid Cymru have scrapped over since its creation. 

01:52: Labour hold Harlow, another key marginal. 

01:47: Scores on the door: Labour have won 293 seats tonight so far, a net loss of five. The Conservatives have 114, a net gain of 6. The Liberal Democrats are down four across the piece and have 38. Ukip have 14 so far and have gained 11. The Greens have 2 and have made no net gains. But there are many, many more still to declare. 

01:45: Every time I say something positive about the Liberal Democrats they do a little bit worse. They've just lost Stockport to Labour. 

01:41: The Ken Livingstone Effect? Labour have just lost Sedgely in Bury, where Prestwich's Jewish population is heavily concentrated. Looks like a 20 point increase in the Tory vote there and Labour expect to lose the other seat that is up in Prestwich, which has a smaller but still significant Jewish population. Watch out for how Labour do in Finchley and Barnet when London counts tomorrow. 

01:40: The Liberal Democrats are confident of holding Shetland and increasingly chirpy about Edinburgh Western. A Labour Glasgow councilor is in a cheerful mood: "People on the doors are no longer angry, which gave the impression that things were starting to shift. Actually, it's a sign we're pitied, and no longer feared."

01:35: The Liberal Democrats are having something of a mare in Stockport, where their council leader has lost her seat to Labour. Although the council is notionally no overall control it is Liberal-run. Elects in thirds so will be tricky for anyone to get control there. 

01:33: A good hold for Labour. They are still in charge in Stevenage, a seat they must win in 2020.

01:27: A thought. The BBC is kind of going for a "Labour leadership says this would be a good figure. His critics say something else. Who is right?". That helps the party leadership, even though, to be frank, the baseline the Labour leadership wants to use is too low to be a useful yardstick. But mostly, the BBC's focus on balance hurts Labour. Cf. "Economists disagree over George Osborne's economics", which of course they do. It's just as that the division is not as finely balanced as Osborne would like to suggest. 

01:23: Labour are pretty confident that they will win Edinburgh Southern from the SNP - most of which mirrors Ian Murray's Edinburgh South seat. If you've never been, it is basically the plushest part of Edinburgh. It's as if Labour had been reduced to just one seat in London - and that seat was Kensington. 

01:21: Results from Glasgow and Fife indicate a third-placed finish is on the cards for Labour. 

01:18: Ukip look likely to be the largest party in Thurrock, and are making gains in Basildon too. 

01:15: You'll be shocked to hear that Labour's Joe Anderson is on course to be re-elected as Mayor in Liverpool. In Edinburgh, Edinburgh Western remains a good chance for the Liberal Democrats while Edinburgh Southern remains hopeful for Labour. (I'd like to apologise in advance for getting these two seats mixed up at some point around 4am.) 

01:10: A word from the Local Government Information Unit (LGiU) who are kindly assisting me with keeping track of the results.  Their Chief Executive, Jonathan Carr-West, has this to say about the results so far:

“The main focus so far tonight continues to be the Labour vote and what it tells us about Corbyn’s leadership. Many Labour councils who have very different political outlooks from the national leadership may feel aggrieved by this relentless focus on the national: especially if, as is likely, it is costing them votes. This will exacerbate the rift that already exists between a radical leadership and a pragmatic local government base.
So far, Labour are holding safe councils (Newcastle, Liverpool, Sunderland and Halton) - but we expect to see them losing significant numbers of seats as the night progresses. To put this in context, the last time these councils were contested Labour gained 823 seats.

We’re also looking at a Labour wipe out in Scotland and losses in the Welsh Assembly. While a Khan victory will be spun as the story of the night, the reality is that no opposition has lost councils seats in this way for thirty years.”

01:04: For those of you just joining us. In Wales, Labour is set to remain the largest party though the Conservatives are rumoured to make gains in the constituencies. In Scotland, the SNP will not win every seat after failing to displace the Liberal Democrats in Orkney. They are confident in Motherwell and Glasgow, but Edinburgh is anyone's game.  In England, Labour are on course to do worse than their first year under Ed Miliband and fall back on 2012 (it was 2012 when these seats were last contested). 

01:01: In terms of the battle for second place, there was also a 7.5 per cent swing from Labour to the Conservatives in Rutherglen. If that keeps up, the Tories will beat Labour to second-place - but only just. 

00:59: The SNP have taken Rutherglen with a nine point swing, putting them on course to take all of Labour's seats. 

00:56: Labour have been whomped by the SNP in Rutherglen, with James Kelly losing his seat by close to 4,000 votes (that's a lot in a Holyrood constituency). 

00:51: That is really a thumping win for the Liberal Democrats. Elsewhere, I am hearing bad news for Labour in Portsmouth, good news in Norwich, where they believe they may have taken three seats off the Greens, and that the Tories have made gains in Nuneaton, which is Labour-dominated at a local level but has sent a Conservative to Westminster since 2010. 

00:48: Rats! The Liberal Democrats have held Orkney, and I am down £20. They are up 32 per cent of the vote there. 

00:45: Turnout from Ogmore, where Labour are fighting both an Assembly seat and a by-election to, is above 40 per cent. Labour are confident of holding it. 

00:42: Labour have gained a seat from the Conservatives in Birmingham and are doing real damage to the Liberal Democrats in Newcastle. My comment about the Liberal Democrat revival is aging really, really well. 

00:40: Scotland incoming! Rutherglen result imminent! Scotpocalypse! Scotpocalypse! 

00:38: McDonnell is beasting Nicky Morgan on BBC doing a very good "more in sorrow than in anger" routine. 

00:34: For an alternative view on Zac Goldsmith, Andrew Boff, a Conservative member of the London Assembly, said this earlier today on Newsnight:

"I don't think it was dog whistle because you can't hear a dog whistle. Everyone could hear this"

00:31: Duncan Smith droning on about how Zac Goldsmith's campaign is not at all racist, oh no. I'm not getting paid enough for this. 

00:29: Iain Duncan Smith has appeared on screen. He says he is "hopeful" that Zac Goldsmith will be elected tonight. In Wales, the Conservatives have walked out of the count in marginal Delyn. Labour are sounding fairly pleased about that, as you'd expect.

00:27: I have made two discoveries. The firsts is that the lights in the New Statesman offices are motion-sensitive. The second is that sitting and typing is not quite enough motion. (It's just me here tonight.)

00:26: Council seats so far: Labour have 59, the Liberal Democrats have four, Ukip have none, the Greens have none. The SNP are hopeful of picking up all the Scottish Parliament seats in Motherwell and Glasgow, but Edinburgh is trickier territory. 

00:25: Speaking of bets...I look likely to owe Wings Over Scotland £20 (I bet on a clean sweep for the SNP in the constituencies), as Labour are buoyant about Edinburgh Southern and the Liberal Democrats are hopeful in Edinburgh Western.

00:19: John McDonnell doing a good job putting a brave face on some grim early numbers for Labour. This line about needing only do better than a general election is nonsense, psephologically speaking but he's making it sound like good sense. A validation of Jeremy Corbyn's decison to ignore even some of his closest allies and put him in as shadow chancellor. And still only 9 to 1 on Betfair as Labour's next leader. 

00:10: People on the BBC and keep talking about 2012 as a "high point for Labour". Is this true? Well, sort of. It was Ed Miliband's best year. However, that doesn't mean that Labour doesn't still have room to gain seats tonight - governments tend to lose seats in opposition and Labour lost seats pretty consistently in the areas up for election tonight throughout their 13-year-stay in government. So they still can and should make gains. And bear in mind, even Ed's good years were padded out with gains in safe Labour seats, which went from Labour strongholds with say, 40 Labour councillors and 20 Liberal Democrats to 58 Labour councilors and three Greens. In the places Labour needs to win at Westminster to get back into government, there is real room for growth. Which is why I wouldn't worry overmuch about losing some* seats in safe seats if when the marginals report Labour is making headway there. 

*Some is key. Going from a majority of 10,000 to 5,000 in Labour heartlands is fine if Corbyn is putting on 5,000 votes in seats Labour lost by that kind of margin. Going from a majority of 10,000 to -1,000 in Labour heartlands, less so. 

00:06: Labour look likely to lose Crawley

00:02: Labour have kept control of Newcastle Council, taking a seat from the Liberal Democrats. (I knew that would happen the second I typed the words "Liberal Democrat revival"). 

00:00: For those of you just joining us: welcome. Labour is projected to lose seats but remain the largest party in Wales, where the Conservatives seem to be gaining ground. In England, the Liberal Democrat revival appears to be a thing and not just a Twitter meme. In Scotland, the SNP are sounding buoyant while the Conservatives believe they may beat Labour into third. London won't count until tomorrow but everyone - Labour, Tory, Cannabis is Safer Than Alcohol - is getting jittery over low turnout. 

23:55: That early worry I heard from Wales has vanished completely from the Tory side. Vale of Glamorgan is rumoured to be close - a close to six point swing to the Conservatives. So we have biggish swings away from Labour so far tonight. 

23:52: Labour are down 17 per cent in the six seats we've had so far (from 2012 when last contested). Still not very much data, but that would put the party in the mid to low 20s in terms of nationwide share. Personally I think it's unlikely to be that bad when all the results have rolled in. 

23:48: How about that Liberal Democrat fightback, huh? The Liberal Democrats have won a seat in Sunderland from Labour. 

23:47: The knives are already out for Kezia Dugdale in Scotland, where Labour may come third. 

23:42: Bad news for Labour from Wales. Clywd South is in play and the Tories may well win it. Cardiff North, which is Conservative-held at Westminster, looks likely to go the same way in the Assembly having been Labour-held since 2011. Newport West and Llanelli are worth looking out for too. 

23:39: Good news for Labour - they've held the first seat to declare out of Newcastle, and the Liberal Democrats, their main opposition, have privately conceded that Labour will remain large and in charge in Newcastle. 

23:35: Speaking of the Liberal Democrats, they are feeling cautiously optimistic about winning a seat in Edinburgh Western from the SNP, while they expect to recover a bit from 2015. (Things could hardly get worse, I suppose.)

23:32: The first Labour gain of the night, as a Liberal Democrat councilor in Stockport defects. 

23:30: Labour sources are gloomy about their chances of holding onto Exeter Council, where Ben Bradshaw is the party's only remaining MP in the South West. Looks like it will slip into no overall control. Party is also nervous about holding Derby. 

23:25: Tory mole in Wales tells me that things look bad for them - potentially worse than the losses shown in YouGov's poll. The election has become "a referendum on steel", apparently. 

23:20: Early results from Sunderland show Labour doing fairly badly (you know, for Sunderland) and Ukip doing very well. But one swallow doesn't make a summer and we need more data before we know anything. 

23:15: We should get our first result from Scotland in 45 minutes or so. Rutherglen, Labour-held since the Scottish Parliament's creation in 1999, and highly likely to go to the SNP. 

23:13: And what the results mean so far, according to ace numbercruncher Matt Singh:

23:07: Those numbers from Sunderland, where Labour have held in St Anne's ward. Labour down 15 points on 2012, when these seats were last fought, Tories down 3. It's Ukip who are making the headway (they didn't stand last time and expect them do post performances like this throughout the United Kingdom tonight and as results roll in over the weekend). 

23:04: Back to Wales - YouGov's poll "looks about right" according to my Plaid Cymru source. What does that mean? Labour could go it alone and do deals on a vote-by-vote basis - they govern alone now with just 30 seats. If the poll is even a little out - let's say either Labour or the Liberal Democrats get one more seat - they might do a deal if they can get a majority with the Welsh Liberal Democrats. 

23:01: Pallion Ward in Sunderland is the first to declare, and it's a Labour hold! More on percentages as I get them. 

22:58: Why isn't it an exit poll, I hear you ask? Well, an exit poll measures swing - not vote share, but the change from one election to the next. People are asked how they've voted as they leave polling stations. This is then projected to form a national picture. Tonight's two polls are just regular polls taken on the day of the election. 

22:57: The Sun's poll - again, not an exit poll, I'm not kidding around here - of Scotland has the SNP winning by a landslide. (I know, I'm as shocked as all of you) But more importantly, it shows the Conservatives beating Labour into second place. The Tories believe they may hold onto Ettrick as well. 

22:55: What news from Scotland? Labour looks to have been wiped out in Glasgow. Liberal Democrats think they might hold at least one of Orkney or Shetland, while the seats in Edinburgh are anyone's game. 

22:52: Hearing that turnout is low in Waltham Forest, Lewisham, Hackney and my birthplace of Tower Hamlets (the borough's best export unless you count Dizzie Rascal, Tinchy Stryder or Harry Redknapp, that's me). Bad news for Labour unless turnout is similarly low in the Tory-friendly outer boroughs. 

22:47: YouGov have done a poll (note: not an exit poll, it should not be taken as seriously as an exit poll and if you call it an exit poll I swear to god I will find you and kill you) of the Welsh Assembly. Scores on the door:

Labour 27

Plaid Cymru 12 

Conservatives 11

Ukip 8

Liberal Democrat 2

There are 60 seats in the Assembly, so you need 30 seats for a majority of one. 

22:40: In case you're wondering, how would closing a seven point deficit to say, six, compare to previous Labour oppositions, I've done some number-crunching. In 1984, Neil Kinnock's Labour turned a Tory lead of 15 per cent at the general election to a Conservative lead of just one per cent. In 1988, one of 12 per cent went down to one per cent. (He did, of course, go on to lose in both the 1987 and 1992 elections). In 1993, John Smith's Labour party turned a deficit of eight points at the general to a Labour lead of eight points in the local elections. William Hague turned a Labour lead of 13 points to one of just six in 1998, while Iain Duncan Smith got a Tory lead of just one point - from a Labour lead of nine. In 2006, new Tory leader David Cameron turned a 3 point Labour lead to a 13 point Tory one. Ed Miliband - remember him? - got from a Tory lead of seven points to a two point Labour one. 

22:35: John McDonnell is setting out what would be a good night as far as the party leadership is concerned - any improvement on the 2015 defeat, when the party trailed by close to seven points. Corbyn's critics say he needs to make around 400 gains.

I've written about what would be good at length before, but here's an extract:

"Instead of worrying overmuch about numbers, worry about places. Although winning seats and taking control of councils is not a guarantee of winning control of the parliamentary seat – look at Harlow, Nuneaton, and Ipswich, all of which have Labour representation at a local level but send a Conservative MP to Westminster – good performances, both in terms of increasing votes and seats, are a positive sign. So look at how Labour does in its own marginals and in places that are Conservative at a Westminster level, rather than worrying about an exact figure either way."

22:31: Oh god, the BBC's election night music is starting. Getting trauma flashbacks to the general election. 

22:22: A few of you have been in touch about our exit poll. Most of you have been wondering about that one vote for George Galloway but the rest are wondering what happens - under the rules of the London mayoral race (and indeed the contests in Salford, Bristol and Liverpool), 2 votes would not be enough for Sadiq. (He needs 2.5). However, all the other candidates are tied - which makes it through to the second round. What happens then is the second preferences are used as a tie-break. Of the tied candidates, Sian Berry has the most second preferences so she goes through to face Sadiq Khan in the final round. Final round is as follows:

Sadiq Khan: 3

Sian Berry: 2

3 votes is above the quota so he is duly elected. An early omen? 

22:19: Burnham latest. A spokesperson for Andy Burnham says:

"Approaches have been made to Andy Burnham to give consideration to this role. It is early days and no decision as been taken. Whatever the decision, he will continue to serve the leader of the party and stay in the shadow cabinet."

22:17: Anyway, exit poll of the office. We've got:

Sadiq Khan: 2

George Galloway: 1

Caroline Pidgeon: 1

Sian Berry: 1

22:15: Update on Andy Burnham. He has been asked to consider running. More as we get it. 

22:13: People are asking if there's an exit poll tonight. Afraid not (you can't really do an exit poll in elections without national swing). But there is a YouGov poll from Wales and I am conducting an exit poll of the four remaining members of staff in the NS building. 

22:11: It's true! Andy Burnham is considering running for Greater Manchester mayor. Right, that's it, I'm quitting the liveblog. Nothing I say tonight can top that. 

22:09: Rumours that professional Scouser Andy Burnham is considering a bid for Greater Manchester mayor according to Sky News. Not sure if this is a) a typo for Merseyside or b) a rumour or c) honestly I don't know. More as I find out. 

22:06: Conservatives are feeling good about Trafford, one of the few councils they run in the North West.

22:03: Polls have closed. Turnout looks to be low in London. What that means is anyone's guess to be honest. There isn't really a particular benefit to Labour if turnout is high although that is a well-worn myth. In the capital in particular, turnout isn't quite as simple a zero-sum game as all that. Labour are buoyant, but so are the Tories. In Scotland, well, the only questions are whether or not the SNP will win every single first past the post seat or just the overwhelming majority. Both Labour and Tory sources are downplaying their chances of prevailing in the battle for second place at Holyrood, so make of that what you will. And in Wales, Labour look certain to lose seats but remain in power in some kind of coalition deal. 

22:00: Good evening. I'm your host, Stephen Bush, and I'll be with you throughout the night as results come in from throughout the country. The TV screens are on, I've just eaten, and now it's time to get cracking. 

Stephen Bush is special correspondent at the New Statesman. He usually writes about politics.