Rod Liddle has been appointed as GQ magazine's new resident agony uncle with his first column appearing in the April edition.
Dr Rod will advise readers on new rules of behaviour and on matters of modern etiquette.
He said: "I've come to heal, to bandage the psychic wounds suffered by so many.
"All I have to help me is a robust moral compass and an implacable sense of decency.
"There are so many unhappy people out there. All I wish to do is hold them in my arms, whisper soothing messages, and perhaps - when it is called for - stroke them in the appropriate places. It is the least I can do."