Born gay? No Way!

Cohen says he is living-proof that homosexuality is a choice, and one that can be reversed

By Richard Cohen Published 20 July 2007

“Born gay? No way.” That’s what I said to the therapist who tried to convince me that I was born with the homosexual feelings I so deeply wanted to overcome. I experienced unwanted same-sex attractions (SSA) since I was in grade school. In middle school and high school those desires intensified. As my male friends became increasingly interested in girls, I became increasingly interested in them. In my undergraduate years of college, I had a male partner for three years. But, with all my heart, I wanted to marry a woman and have a family.

Fast forward to today. My wife and I just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. Our three children created a beautiful celebration. Our oldest son is in medical school, our daughter is a high school English teacher, and our youngest son is in the seventh grade. It was a monumental moment for our family.

So how did I finally fulfill my dream to marry and create a loving family? I searched long and hard to find those who could help me understand the meaning of my homosexual feelings. “Born gay?” I knew in my gut that was not true, at least not for me. I learned there were several contributing factors which led to my unwanted SSA: 1) I had quite a sensitive temperament which led me to experience people and situations very deeply; 2) my dad and I didn’t connect, our characters were so different; 3) my mom and I were too close, our characters were very similar; 4) my older brother was deeply hurt by our dad and took his pain out on me; and 5) a friend of the family sexually abused me when I was five years old. When I worked through the pain of each relationship and grieved the losses of my past, literally, my unwanted SSA left my body and soul. It took quite a long time, and today I am living my dream.

After coming out straight, I went back to graduate school and obtained a master’s degree in psychology. In 1990, I founded the International Healing Foundation and began my counseling practice, helping SSA men and women fulfill their heterosexual potential. For seventeen years, I assisted hundreds of men and women fulfill their dreams—many are now married with children. In my book Coming Out Straight, I detail the process of transformation—how people may change from gay to straight. I have also helped hundreds of family members whose loved ones experience SSA. For them I wrote Gay Children, Straight Parents. In this book I describe a beautiful 12-stage protocol to create greater intimacy with their SSA loved ones. Both books are filled with wonderful stories of healing and transformation.

I am pro-choice regarding homosexuality. If someone wants to live a gay life, that needs to be respected. If someone wants to change and come out straight, that too needs to be respected. Let us practice true tolerance, real diversity, and equality for all.

Today, I am living my dream. I help others do the same. I know that people are not born “gay,” because of my personal and professional journey. Change is possible!

In November, I will facilitate a seminar in Belfast, Northern Ireland for those who counsel or coach men and women with unwanted SSA. If you would like information, contact abeo@hotmail.co.uk.

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Tags: Gay Choice Gay Special

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47 comments

Sun, 2010-07-11 15:13 — Jaymax (not verified)

"In virtually every instance of homosexuality the person has a much greater bond with the mother (who is usually the dominant partner) than with the father. In instances where the father takes the dominant role and actively encourages the son to take part in manly roles such as sport, fishing and various other physical activities etc there is no evidence of homosexual behaviour."

Utter rubbish. There is ZERO evidence for this 100 year old outdated freudian idea.

Tue, 2008-12-23 21:43 — perry1

WHO SAYS THAT THE ACT OF OVERDRINKING IS WRONG? WHO SAYS THAT THE ACT OF FORNICATION IS WRONG ? WHO SAYS THE ACT OF MURDER IS WRONG ? WHO SAYS THE ACT OF BEASTIALITY IS WRONG ? WHO SAYS THAT THE ACT OF HOMOSEXUALITY IS WRONG ? OUR CREATOR OUR HEAVENLY FATHER!!!! THERE ARE MANY THINGS IN OUR LIFE THAT CAN HAVE A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON US. BUT WE STILL HAVE GOD GIVEN CHOICE JUST AS ADAM AND EVE HAD AND JUST AS SATAN THE DEVIL HAD BEFORE HE HAD FALLEN! BUT THIS ONLY WORKS IF YOU TRULY WANT TO MAKE OUR HEVENLY FATHER HAPPY ! HE PROMISES THAT HE THAT FOLLOWS HIS WAYS WILL TRULY BE HAPPY! romans1;24-27 1tim.1;9-11 jude71cor,6;9-11 I HAVE EMPATHY FOR ALL WHO STRUGGLE THROUGH THIS WICKED WORLD MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER IS STRUGGLING THROUGH THESE HOMOSEXUAL FEELINGS. SHE WAS MOLESTEDAND RAPED WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE AND I PROBABLY DID'NT GIVE HER THE BEST VIEW OF MEN SINCE I HAD PROBLEMS WITH MEN IN MY LIFE. I HOPE THAT SHE WILL FORGIVE ME AND HOPE SHE CAN FORGIVE OTHERS THAT HURT HER. THERE REALLY IS CAUSE AND EFFECT. BUT IF WE WORK AT IT HARD ENOUGH WE CAN MAKE POSSITIVE CHOICES! THIS IS THE ONLY COMMENT I'LL BE MAKING FOR THOSE THAT IT MIGHT HELP THE CHOICE IS YOURS!

Mon, 2007-07-30 09:47 — pierrelys

This article correspond to my experience as a young European man who has never had the chance to meet a so-called reorientation therapist. I have never felt confortable with same sex attraction, not because they were morally wrong, but because I felt they were the expression of a wrong-me! As soon as I started reading books about tue issue and dealing with the issues mentioned by Richard Cohen, I discovered who I really was, and this was the greatest and nicest healing experience in my life. Thank you Richard for giving many people the support they really need.

Fri, 2007-07-20 14:07 — Brixtonian

The medical and scientific consensus is that reparative therapy is potentially harmful and that there is no evidence that it is effective.No mainstream medical organization endorses reparative therapy.

These organizations include the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Counseling Association, the National Association of Social Workers, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Association of School Administrators, the American Federation of Teachers, the National Association of School Psychologists, and the National Education Association. The ethics guidelines of these organizations discourage, and sometimes prohibit, its practice.

Source : Wikipedia

Fri, 2007-07-20 15:02 — worcsdave

What this article doesn't address is why having sexual attraction to someone of the same gender is seen as problematic. However, the answer seems to be found in the pride that the author so obviously feels in attaining the heterosexual dream (wife, kids in college, etc;). The society we live in has deeply held, and largely unconscious, beliefs about 'the way things should be'. We are all raised according to these beliefs and it can be very distressing to think that you may not be able to fit the mould. As it is highly unlikely that society will ever fundamentally change the way it thinks 'things should be', there will always be people who have sexual attractions towards members of the same gender who will be prepared to jump through however many hoops they think it takes in order to conform. Having a conservative personality probably wouldn't help; someone who is naturally more bohemian probably wouldn't give a damn anyway!

Fri, 2007-07-20 15:13 — Nazim

Maybe the guy was bisexual in the first place and not gay.

It's either that or it is brainwashing.

Tue, 2007-07-31 03:26 — john33370

Ex-gay is such a deceiving term. It should really be non-practicing gay. Most ex-gay leads like Alan Chambers the president of Exodus still admits that he is attracted to me, but chooses not to 'act' on those attractions and emotions. In other words....HE IS STILL GAY!!! While I think that for some people change might be possible, but for others of us who are Born Again and have prayed for years and years going through therapy, to end up back at square 1 the 'change' is basically unreachable.

I've tried for 20 years and still can not get aroused by being with a women. And believe me I've tried.

Fri, 2007-07-20 15:51 — goodasyou

- Richard is part of the Unification Church, whose leader, Sun Myung Moon, is on record as saying some of the most disturbing things about gays to ever be recorded. His wife also comes from that same religion.

- After his oldest two children were born, Richard, by his own admission, engaged in a three year relationship with a man.

- In 2003, he was permanently expelled from the American Counseling Association for six violations of its ethics code. He is now unlicensed.

- His methods have been decried by even staunch "ex-gay" advocates like PFOX, and NARTH.

- Exodus International has issued a position statement distancing themselves from him.

- And there is of course the obvious, which is that neither Richard's nor any "ex-gay" methods are supported by any mainstream physical or mental health organization

http://www.goodasyou.org/good_as_you/2007/07/video-coming-ou.html

Tue, 2007-07-31 04:35 — SPoonermen

Ummm im pretty sure your just gay. Heres my number 1-800 ACCEPT IT !
Peace

Fri, 2007-07-20 16:35 — realman

Please read the Media page on the web site of the International Healing Foundation for clarification about these spurious allegations: www.ComingOutStraight.com.The above comments are false and misleading. Richard Cohen is not part of the Unification Church. He left that church over 12 years ago. The American Counseling Assoc. removed him from their non-licensing organization because they are against helping people change from gay to straight. Cohen was the victim of prejudice and discrimination. It seems that the above person is threatened by the opportunity of changing one's sexual orientation. Cohen, on the other hand, practices true tolerance, respecting the individual's right of self-determination.