Eleanor Margolis: sapphic cynic at large

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The Left’s insistence on Jews apologising for being Jewish is anti-Semitic
By Eleanor Margolis - 24 July 15:37

Whenever the western Left side, instinctively, with Palestine my heart says, “Jew-haters” while my mind says, “Shut the f*** up, heart.”

Pointy bishop hats for everyone! Photo: Getty
I'm a big Jesus fan! Make me the first lesbian bishop, Church of England
By Eleanor Margolis - 17 July 11:51

All over the world, socially liberal Christians would be able to say that they’d lived to see a Jewish lesbian don the pointy hat of bishopdom

This is what Tinder is like for lesbians. Honest. Photo: Getty
Like so many things in life, Tinder is just different for lesbians
By Eleanor Margolis - 03 July 11:51

I feel like Tinder is a place where lesbians play badminton and drink iced tea, while straight women trawl through skips while dodging rotten turnips that are being lobbed at their heads.

World Pride in London in July 2012. Photo: Getty
How to enjoy Gay Pride (if you’re straight)
By Eleanor Margolis - 26 June 11:22

Do drink slightly warm cider, dance in public and raise your voice in support of LGBT rights. Don’t dare each other to “go up to” drag queens.

American Apparel's CEO Dov Charney has been removed by the company's board. Photo: Getty
Dov Charney, Terry Richardson, and the misogynistic truth about hipster cool
By Eleanor Margolis - 20 June 13:38

A bizarre double standard has emerged in the fashion world, where misogyny is OK, as long as it pastiches a bygone era of kitsch female subjugation.

Peggy Beaty as a maid in the play "The Five O'Clock Girl" in 1929. Photo: Sasha/Getty
Why I still tip a surly waitress after bad service
By Eleanor Margolis - 18 June 12:07

Refusal to massage every customer with niceness is, perhaps, a sort of personal strike. Why not support them by still giving a tip?

Twitter on screen. Photo: Flickr
"Why does Sellotape even bother?": the futility of brands doing social media marketing
By Eleanor Margolis - 30 May 10:50

“Who’s excited for a Bank Holiday sleep in?” tweeted some crisps, recently.

American Samoa footballers Nicky Salapu and Jaiyah Saelua with their coach Thomas Rongen. Photo: Getty
Next Goal Wins: a football film with a vital message about overcoming transphobia in sport
By Eleanor Margolis - 20 May 10:15

A new documentary about the American Samoa football team (who hold the world record for the biggest international defeat – 31-0 to Australia in 2001) gives hope that professional sport won’t always be prejudiced against those who are different.

Dan Brown. Really? Photo: Getty
Could you go out with a Dan Brown fan?
By Eleanor Margolis - 15 May 11:49

 How online dating has turned singles into perfectionists.

I dream of Christine: Mme Lagarde at the IMF headquarters in Washington. Photo: Getty
“So much love for Christine Lagarde”: why girl crushes are a straight thing
By Eleanor Margolis - 08 May 17:00

Girl crushes are 75 per cent respect, 24.999 per cent idolatry and 0.001 per cent something nebulously sexual. It’s more about wanting to be someone than wanting to do them.

Gary Turk’s video, Look Up, about quitting social media is perniciously anti-progress
By Eleanor Margolis - 06 May 14:03

Why the writer and director’s anti-Facebook film is not only trite guff; it’s a sermon against human advancement.

A group of German girls out walking, with musical accompaniment from mandolin and guitars, 1930s. Photo: Getty
For folk’s sake, I was supposed to be a mandolin virtuoso by now
By Eleanor Margolis - 30 April 10:00

When you approach 25, it suddenly hits you that you’re never going to be an astronaut. Or an architect. Or a folk sensation. 

It was supposed to be my sanctuary: two women get into a British-made taxi in New York, 1960. Photo: Getty
“You’re a lesbian, then?” asks the cabbie. I’m not in the mood
By Eleanor Margolis - 17 April 16:04

This is supposed to be my tiny bit of luxury, a protective bubble sparing me, this once, the stultifying, sexist harassment of traversing London in the wee hours. 

Leather forecast: leather men in the New York gay pride parade, 1980. Photo: Getty
It turns out there’s more to LGBT films than sex. Sometimes
By Eleanor Margolis - 10 April 10:00

From London leather men to prostitution in American suburbia, the renamed BFI Flare offered up an eclectic programme.

A rousing speech on the dangers of Swedish nationalism is a bit of a turn-off. Photo: Getty
2am in a gay bar in Stockholm is the best time to discuss the NHS
By Eleanor Margolis - 28 March 11:35

If you’re a Scene Lesbian, whenever you’re abroad, you feel obligated to have a quick look at what gays do for fun wherever you are.

Two men suspected of being gay are tried in a Sharia court in the Nigerian city of Bauchi. (Photo: Getty)
Lez Miserable: from Russia to Uganda, gay rights are moving backwards
By Eleanor Margolis - 13 March 10:00

In many countries, anti-gay legislation is an ugly colonial throwback. We have a duty to help.

Lez Miserable: I like being a solitary, wonky human pillar at gigs
By Eleanor Margolis - 28 February 17:35

I strongly recommend the occasional bout of aloneness.

Lez Miserable: The tragedy of a twentysomething living in the parental home
By Eleanor Margolis - 06 February 8:38

That there are so many other adults trying to take themselves seriously while being handed plates of fish fingers makes me want to laugh, cry and vomit at the same time.

At the Sochi Winter Olympics, the Russian establishment is trying to out-gay the gays
By Eleanor Margolis - 04 February 11:19

Russia has given its Olympic volunteers a rainbow-coloured uniform. This is a country that, as of last year, has criminalised homosexuality and banned its citizens from publically brandishing the Pride flag. What's really going on here?

Lez Miserable: Now recruiting young women to the lesbian cause
By Eleanor Margolis - 30 January 10:55

There will be an admissions procedure. “So, did you get into lesbianism?” Emily asks Stephanie. “No,” says Stephanie, gazing at her tiny, straight-girl feet.

Lez Miserable: Gays aren't the only people for whom making babies is a conundrum
By Eleanor Margolis - 23 January 10:13

Before one of them came out of my sister, the best I could hope for around babies, speech-wise, would be an awkward “Hello, small person thing.” Now, I'm having thoughts . . .

Against the horror of the bottomless “pie”– it's just stew with a pastry hat
By Eleanor Margolis - 17 January 10:09

The disillusionment of plunging a fork into something that claims to be a pie, and almost immediately hitting plate, is like no other.

Orange Is the New Black brought hot and hilarious dykes to small screens
Lez Miserable: Was 2013 the year lesbian culture entered the mainstream?
By Eleanor Margolis - 16 January 11:41

Let’s face it, lesbians, we’ve peaked. We’ve had our 15 minutes of sweet, hashtag-spawning fame.

Lez Miserable: If Jews can learn to love Christmas, then so can gays
By Eleanor Margolis - 09 January 14:31

Christmas is the one time of year that straight, socially conservative men unconsciously gay it up for a whole month.

urbanoutfitters.co.uk
Lez Miserable: The growth of depression chic
By Eleanor Margolis - 07 January 13:20

Increased visibility of mentally ill people can only serve to highlight problems and break taboos, but for the most part this is a stultifying trend.

Obama snubs the Sochi Games, giving Putin a star spangled middle finger
By Eleanor Margolis - 18 December 17:43

By snubbing the Sochi Games himself and picking tennis star and lesbian icon Billie Jean King to represent him, Barack Obama is effectively waving a rainbow flag in Putin's face. Three cheers for the “we’re here, we’re queer”-ness of the US Olympic delega

I thought I'd never have to be weird around male humans, so why does it keep happening?
By Eleanor Margolis - 17 December 11:37

Coffee Guy is all, “Look at me with my nice hair and my penis,” brandishing his barista tools like a middle-class Viking.

Blue is the Warmest Colour
Blue is the Warmest Colour is gratuitously dramatic – much like life itself
By Eleanor Margolis - 12 December 12:00

I’ve often thought that sex is just a series of humiliations punctuated by orgasms, and this film is a confirmation of that.

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