THE JUDGES' SECOND CABINET
Prime Minister Deputy PM Chancellor Foreign Lord Chancellor Home Education/Employm Environment Leader of Commons Culture Cabinet Office International Develop Social Security Agriculture Leader of the Lords Trade/Industry Health Regions Defence Transport Treasury Chief Sec	Yvette Cooper John Redwood Tommy Sheridan Tony Benn Kenneth Clarke Ken Livingstone Martin Johnson Gordon Brown Anna Kournikova Amanda Platell John Major Ali G Anne Robinson Alistair Darling Vanessa Feltz Jack Straw Robert Winston Michael Ancram Margaret Thatcher Harriet Harman Mo Mowlam	78 40 40 38 38 34 25 25 25 22 22 21 18 16 16 15 15 14 12 10 9 533

Our second fantasy cabinet, like our first, has a woman Prime Minister: Yvette Cooper, marked highly by our judging panel for the announcement that she will take maternity leave from her job as public health minister while she has her second baby. Her improbable deputy is John Redwood who, despite not being a member of the shadow cabinet, has achieved a higher profile over the past fortnight than any of his leading Tory colleagues. Not bad for a man from another planet.

The performance of all three front benches must be a matter for real concern. Perhaps they are saving their best for the election campaign proper. But on performances over the past fortnight, no frontbench minister gets above eighth in the cabinet pecking order (admittedly handicapped by the Bonus Players getting double points). Of the Tories, only Michael Ancram squeezes in as Secretary of State for the Regions, because he scored heavily in the Tory onslaught against the fundraising activities of Lord Irvine. Oliver Letwin, supposedly the Tories' rising star, but invisible for the past month, was sent off by the judges for being boring, and is now out of the game. Angela Browning is on a yellow card.

The Lib Dem performance is even worse, with the invisible Alan Beith and Don Foster dismissed from the field (along with Tara Palmer-Tomkinson no doubt, they can all bore each other to death in the changing rooms), and even Charles Kennedy losing nearly all the points that took him into the first fantasy cabinet. The judges found his recent TV interviews poor, and reported that he would have scored even lower if the BBC had shown them in full.

Other members of our first fantasy cabinet also let themselves down. Peter Mandelson, in at Agriculture last time, lost points for colliding with a television cameraman in Hartlepool and for generally harping on too much. William Hague made Health in the first cabinet, but now has an overall minus score after the Tories' laughable U-turn on pensions and after his own rating as "a wally" in (of all places) a Daily Telegraph opinion poll. His press adviser, Amanda Platell, however, was marked up for wearing pearls and moves into the cabinet.

Among the celebrities, Martin Johnson, the England rugby union captain, again makes the cabinet after another resounding international victory, while Anna Kournikova - so iconic that she can now flourish even as a computer virus - becomes Leader of the House of Commons. Ali G becomes Secretary of State for International Development after getting the better of Posh and Becks on his show. Anne Robinson steps in at Social Security after being signed up to present The Weakest Link on American television. Several more celebrities would have made the cabinet but the rules dictate a limit of six, thus allowing Margaret Thatcher, Harriet Harman (PM in the first fantasy cabinet) and Mo Mowlam to squeeze in ahead of Prince William.

Tommy Sheridan, of the Scottish Socialist Party, scores highly for getting arrested in a protest against Trident nuclear submarines outside the Faslane nuclear base on Clydeside - exactly the kind of publicity that a fringe party leader needs. He becomes Chancellor of the Exchequer; but don't expect Gordon Brown-style prudence from him. John Major is a surprise entrant to the cabinet. After being yellow-carded in the first judging round, he scored this time for reportedly turning down a seat in the Lords.

At the other end of the scale, Alastair Campbell looks set to break all records, after getting heavy minus scores for his now notorious "bog-standard comprehensives" remark. But his master, Tony Blair, must watch his step, too. After the bombing of Baghdad, he has now accumulated more minus points than any other frontbench politician. Whatever the merits of the raid, he should surely have persuaded his new friend, George W Bush, to delay the raid until Labour's spring conference in Glasgow was over and ministerial speeches could not be overshadowed. Richard Desmond also gets a heavy negative rating, after the circulations of his Express newspapers dropped sharply. Richard Branson could rival Campbell in the basement; he loses points because a Virgin train took 16 hours over a seven-hour journey.

The winning cabinet (ie, the highest-scoring cabinet) from those submitted by entrants will be announced next week. Bonus points were awarded to five suggestions for Minister without Portfolio: Bob Kiley, Brian Sewell, P Y Gerbeau, Madonna and Ellen MacArthur. Bonus points were also awarded to entrants who submitted the five outstanding campaign slogans: "Pebble-dash for the many, not the few" (from Imtiaz Farookhi of Leicester); "Gold Standard, not Bog Standard" (from David Uzzell of Surrey); "We will govern as slightly decaying Labour" (from Dillan Nuttall-Mahoney of Altrincham); "Peace, Bread and Land(slides)" (from Steven Walker of Todmorden); and "Fish can only get batter" (from the Pearce family of Manchester).

Note that this week's chart (above) includes not only the scores for the past fortnight's performances, but a cumulative score for the two weeks of the game so far. The reader with the highest cumulative score when the game ends in May gets a grand prize, awarded in addition to the fortnightly prizes.

To see the first judges cabinet click here.