If you think casting the former One Direction star sounds like a disaster, you’re wrong.
BBC Radio 4's adaptation made it sound like Jane and Rochester were in different rooms - and worse, they changed the lines.
On the pop culture podcast this week, we chat fictional podcast serial Alice Isn't Dead, BBC thriller The Night Manager, and 1993 romcom Benny & Joon.
As I sink into the most recent series, I can feel the increasing pressure to manipulate/scheme/rise to my natural place in the White House again.
A new series being produced in Germany seeks to portray Hitler as a human being, in an attempt to explain an evil that seems inexplicable.
And it overlooks UK television's very real diversity problem to say it is.
Though my loathing for Downton borders on the pathological, I am keen on Trollope - but while Doctor Thorne is not bad, it's not great, either. Plus: Cooked.
The brilliance of Saturday Night at the Movies on Classic FM is that it gets people sick to death of talking about movies to talk about movies - by focussing on the music.
On the pop culture podcast: The 1975's second album, I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware of It, the true-story drama The People v OJ Simpson and Tina Fey/Steve Carell comedy Date Night.
I couldn't fathom the purpose of this dollop of heritage television, so ivy-clad it'll soon be available on DVD from the National Trust. Plus: Murder.
After two months on patrol, Hilmer and his colleague not only had nothing left to talk about - but nothing left to think.