1 Does art make a difference?
It’s hard to make a difference. I tried to make a difference the other day but ran out of fuzzy felt and sticky stars. Art makes a difference to me. When I imagine what life would be like without writing and acting, I see myself falling into this terrifying abyss of work and hobbies.
2 Should politics and art mix?
Politics is an art. But I don’t mix art with politics, although I did once write for a political website. I’m not a political satirist, though.
3 Is your work for the many or for the few?
It’s for as many rich people as possible – and deaf people (my show is usually captioned). But every so often someone reads one of my short stories and says, “It’s really good because it’s not middle-class.”
4 If you were world leader, what would be your first law?
I would abolish everything, and fire people into space from giant space-cannons to colonise new worlds.
5 Who would be your top advisers?
Dr Strangelove, my mum, my sister . . . and I should say Nelson Mandela, because everyone says him, don’t they? Google would also probably come in handy when making important decisions, and perhaps Wikipedia.
I could go to a spiritualist church whenever I got really stuck, and keep abreast of public opinion by scanning the tabloids, especially the show-business pages.
6 What, if anything, would you censor?
Everything. People will enjoy the challenge of circumnavigating all my bans.
7 If you had to banish one public figure, who would it be?
King Midas. Can’t have people going around turning everything into gold – it would wreck the economy.
8 What are the rules that you live by?
Er . . . I’ve got a bit stuck on this one. I’m very naughty.
9 Do you love your country?
London is my country. I love it for ever xx.
10 Are we all doomed?
Eventually, yes. Even the cryogenically frozen will last only for as long as the electricity bills are paid.
